- Anti Joke

What did the church say to the house? You need jesus

Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school today? Because it is Saturday

Stephen Hawking

Tic tac toe Your mother and I are getting a divorce.

What looks like half of an apple? The other half.

So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

hmm, thinking, thinking, SNAPPLE!

How did the stuntman die? He was gored by a buffalo on a trip to Yellowstone.

A Christian and an Atheist are sitting next to each other in a bar. C: Sad you don't believe in God, 'cuz you'll go to hell after your death. A:I don't believe in hell neither..

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

So, I was walking down the street. As i walked past a oak door an entrance to a mental institution, I heard a bored voice going, "eleven, eleven, eleven". My curiosity, like a cat, got better of me and I decided to take a peek through the key hole and see the eleven things being counted. As soon as I had my eye on the key hole, I was poked in the eye by a metal rod. Startled, I feel back to the street. And, sure enough, heard the same bored voice, going, "twelve, twelve, twelve".

Did nims chinnie? Fins.

How do you make a Chef cry? You kill his family.

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

How do you confuse a black man? Call him from a blocked number and I say "I love you"

Knock knock! Who's there? Fck. Fck who? F*ck you.

What do you call a black man repairing a car? A mechanic who has worked very hard to gain his qualifiaction.

What is green fuzzy and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

Fine Nero, but I will be keeping an eye on you.

Why did Valter fall of the swing? Because he didn't have any arms Knock knock Whos there? Not valter

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for the cases when you die...then you are dead.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everything.

I have a dirty joke. Poop.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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