A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Can I have... ...a beer." The bartender asks, "What's with the large pause?" To which the bear replies, "I have... ...a speech impediment."

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

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Get the FREE anti jokes app with loads and loads of anti jokes anywhere you go, even offline! All the funniest and most popular, and loads more new ones. Why not? After all, it's free! http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/hilarious-anti-jokes-lite/id438092279?mt=8&ls=1

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What did the parakeet say to the grapefruit? Nothing. Parakeets can't speak.

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A man walks into a bar. The second man sees the first man's mistake and ducks. The third man needs to take no precautions as he is a midget and can simply walk under the bar.

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Unconventional thinking Something else out of one: So sometimes I feel there is something I want right? But I don't feel like I deserve it yet or i hesitate although I fucking want it So I go home, decide to take my time before I decide to buy it, and sit my ass on a chair covered with spikes until I decide it is time to get it, Moral 1: You want to take the better decision but don't feel time is right? Some spikes up your ass is not only the perfect way to change your mind, but in this case an excellent metaphor to why you want to keep doing whats best for you. Moral best: Think if you could get all that time you spent hesitating back, would that not be awesome? What if you just stop hesitating now? Would that not be aweso... Go fuckyourself... Nerometal Fuck Neronism... Cool name though

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ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

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Q: Why did George Lopez walk into a Taco Bell? A: To purchase a 5-layer Gordita Burrito

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What do you say to a homeless man sat in a train station? That there is a homeless shelter around the corner.

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How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he wanted to prove he wasn't chicken

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one and it is politically incorrect to assume otherwise.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Not Madeleine mecanne.

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whats worse than getting ur penis cut off......no holocaust

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Q: Why are black people black? A: Cause they're from Africa.

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What characterizes a good joke? The lack of a punch line.

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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Roses are red, violets are blue, your face belong in the zoo, don't worry I get there too, not in the cage, just visiting you :)

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"What starts with an 'F' and ends with 'uck'?" "I don't know, what?" "'Firetruck.'"

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What do you call a white hankerchief dipped into the red sea? Wet.

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How did the drug addict die? He got shot in a drive-by.

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what happened to the little kid on a bicycle? Nothing

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What's better than fornicating two 4 year old twins? Killing their parents in front of them before you do.

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whats helen kellers favorite activity fingering herself

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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