what do you get when you mix a llama with a ostrich? i dont know

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why was the carrot sad? it was stuck in an antelopes anus

thumb_up thumb_down +7

dad said he had to drop the kids off at the pool what does that mean mom? honey it means dad has to take a shit beacuase shit looks like retarded black kids with down sydrome

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q. What does physiks sound to most of the people? A. There were two camels, one was green, how much does the sand weight when its dark?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats the difference between a loser and a winner there places

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what starts with F and ends with ead? Fred was walking to school one day when he heard a strange noise in a tree. He walked up to the tree, looked up, and saw a cat. Fred was late for class, so he decided to go to school and help the cat out after school. Eight hours later, Fred came up to the tree and looked up to see if the cat was there. It wasn't. The cat was lying next to the tree, dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a blonde prostitute your bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the man say when he saw a giant herd of elephants coming? "Look! There's a giant herd of elephants coming!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A brunette, redhead, and blond were on a road trip. Their car broke down in the middle of the desert. The redhead offered to get help down the road, but never returned. The blond and brunette walked the direction the redhead went, but died four days later of heat exhaustion.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the dancing amphibious landing craft say to the carrot faced caterpillar? wanna get in its cold

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many black people does it take to complete the simplest task such as washing their own hair? A shitload! thats why slavery was so populer back in the day. (and gays were big then to because they had to shower together to remember to wash their hair.)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

ring ring,Who is? you'r face.you'r face how?you'r but hole face.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than taking a bite in an apple and finding a worm in it? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the little girl stop licking her Popsicle? A psychopath cut off her tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the boy take the train to school? Because he lived quite far away.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the man get a tattoo? A: he wanted to express himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you have Canasta!!! Were not playing canasta you stupid asshole

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Kid 1 Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken. Kid 2 Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys. Kid 1 You know what? I think you're right Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow and everywhere that mary went this joke has no punchline

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a muslim on an airplane? A airline passenger.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happen when a penguin walks into a bar? That is an almost impossible occasion. Penguins first of all waddle not walk and they only live in Antarctica and zoos, therefor they will not be able to enter one unless Antarctica becomes populated.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops