How many Jews can you fit in an ashtray? None

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Why did the black man buy watermellon? Because he was having a barbecue in his suburban neighborhood and he wanted some fruit.

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How many Alzheimer patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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Your mother is so fat that if she were to fall from a great height she would hit the ground with more force than that of an average sized individual.

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Scenario: A man is being mugged in an alley Mugger: Give me your wallet! I have a gun! Victim: You don't have the balls. Mugger: Oh yeah! I have 3 balls! Victim: Well I have 2, you should probably get that checked.

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What did the chicken say when it crossed the road? Nothing. Chickens can't talk.

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Your flying on a canoe, and one of the wheels breaks off. How many pancakes does it take to fix it? Trick question there is a gorilla on board.

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There are 2 women at a bus stop. One of them has a swollen belly. The pregnant woman says to the other one, "I'm expecting a baby." The other woman responds, "That's too bad. I'm expecting a bus, at least that'll help me."

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Why did the black man say "I been done did that?" He was speaking ebonics.

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Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

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Six Jews get on a train. They all safely arrive at their locations.

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A man was late for work, he came to a stop for his third red light. He stopped and waited for the red light to turn green then continued on his way to work.

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Say this to someone: On a scale from one to ten, what is your favorite color?

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how do you find a ghost? shoot yourself.

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What do you call a partially deaf obese man? Anything you want, it's unlikely that he'll hear you. If he does manage to catch what you said, your chances of outrunning him are very good considering that he's likely to tire before you, unless you're overweight yourself of course. If this is the case then perhaps you should hit the gym, obesity is a growing problem in the Western world and greatly increases your chance of heart disease and/or diabetes.

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Why did the father beat his daughter? To alleviate stress.

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pee

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it doesn't matter because he got hit by a bus before he could even make it.

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Why didn't the man go to work? He got stabbed.

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Q. Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? A. Because he's dead.

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Timmy eats 32 cookies and eats 30 of them. What does he have? Type 2 Diabetes.

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When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world as they wonder how you did it

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Oh, right

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A: my name is Joe and i like onion B: ok

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops