- Anti Joke

What do you call a woman who loves sex and food? A fat whore.

Everything makes me look good, Rape doesn't look good on anyone, and it hurts everyone involved

Why did the Iraqi cross the road? Because he was hired by the CIA as an undercover operative to lead them to a highly dangerous target in the small town of Aziziyah and was leaving the area to avoid the impending Pavelow strike on the town center.

What do you get when you cross a moose with a crépe? A moose with a crépe up his nose. -ilikecrepes97

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!!!! lolooloL!OL!olO!LO!Lo!l!LO!L!O11P!lOL!oO!l

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van

Q: whats red, spins, and screams? A: a baby in a blender

A boy asks his teacher for a eraser....he was given a blue pen. Turns out he was in space.

Why was the fat guy so sad? Because he knew he would die sooner or later, just like every other human being

How did Jesus walk on water? Jesus is God in the form of a man, and he is the only human being ever with the ability to perform miracles

Heads or tails? Heads. Sorry, I'm fresh out.

How Many Women Does It Take To Parallel Park A Car ? Zero , The Husband Drove

Why did the babysitter only get paid 50 cents for a whole day. Because he was a 6 foot mexican.

Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, and Joseph Smith walk into a bar. Just kidding, no they didn't.

Grandpa loved a good joke, he died laughing. The doctor said it was a severe stroke probably brought on by smoking aggravated by high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

What's worse than watching paint dry or grass grow? Watching paint dry on grass.

how do you confuse a blonde? ask if she wants a cake...then rape her

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A: Cheese.

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

What did the the water hose say to the man? Nothing, but the sight of water made the man thirsty and he drank to excess and died from dilution of his blood.

What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends on what you named it.

Why is the Asian 2nd grader sad? Her best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has 3 weeks to live.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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