A: Can I get a tall white Russian. B: No. A: Why not? B: Because this is a Barnes and Nobles. However, we do have a Starbucks, and I can offer you a venti caramel iced coffee"

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How many pancakes do you need to reach a 2.5m roof? Purple, because aliens don't fly

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What's the only animal that has to be oiled? any animal I can think of

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Roses are blurry so is everything else I need glasses

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What's Tyrion Lannister short for? It's not short for anything, it's his full name.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a car? It depends on how fast you drive.

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Where did Susie go during the bombings? Susie was wandering around the streets as she felt like she didn't know where she was any more. Everything was burnt to ashes. She came across a man who she has never met. He tells her to follow him. She did.Later, Susie, the mysterious man and a few other people with him were in a private meeting room. The mysterious man tells Susie that he was a Frenchman and he was with the resistance. A few minutes later, the bombs were dropping everywhere. The meeting room was destroyed and Susie, the Frenchman and his men were under attack. The French resistance were about to fight, but retreated - for they were French. Susie was left, lying there as she saw a bomb in the sky about to land on her. She tried to get up and run, but the bomb was too fast. It got her. So yeah. Susie went everywhere, like you lot said.

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What's long and black? A line at KFC.

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Are those two people having sex? Yes, I think they are.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes Good. Enjoy your cold drinks.

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Q. How can you find true love? A. Google it...duh

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A cripple.

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Who more attractive then you? No one your ugly as pooh.

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I don't often drink beer, but when I do, I make the poor decision to attempt to drive while intoxicated, kill a pedestrian, and end up in jail with a hangover, a DUI, and an account of vehicular homicide. Don't drink and drive simultaneously.

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense? You watch a suspenseful TV program and pause at the right moment.

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A man is watching a football game and sees a comercial for a medicine that boosts testosterone levels. However, this man has no issues with his testosterone levels, so he proceeds to watch the rest of the game and then goes to bed.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? Because he accidently dropped it.

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A loving father took his two children to the park for a picnic. while the children went into the lake for a swim he drowned them both

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What did the man say to the woman before he had sex with her? "May I have sex with you, please?"

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A Jew walks into a bar. He immediately turns around and walks out because prices at this particular high end bar are much too high for his liking.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Noooooooo...

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An anti joke a day... really doesn't actually do that much

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's have the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

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Why did the chicken cross the road .... The traffic light turned red

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops