how do you get lady gaga to wake up in the morning? Hit her with a brick

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You always hear of the 9/11 stories where people who work in the World Trade Centers were late that day or home sick or whatever. My mom also worked there. It was a normal morning, got up to make us breakfast, got us to school on time, the whole bit. After having to do all that stuff, she actually got to work on time, and she died in the attack.

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Why is it bad to have 10 blond girls in a closet at the same time? The closet is a very compacted space and one of them is a claustrophobic.

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Q. What did the toothbrush say to the toothpaste A. Nothing you idiot there inanimate objects they can't talk

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How do you make a plumber cry You kill it's family

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

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Why did the boy miss the toilet when he was peeing? Cause he was in the shower.

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- Hi, my name is Sarah Lennon. - Wow! Are you related to Sarah Palin?!

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How do you wake up a black man? You stab him in the thigh.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Your family have been involved in a fatal accident and we need you to come and identify the bodies.

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Your mother is so ugly it affects her self esteem.

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Its linked with the process of extracting uranium isotopes, but lets change the subject, with that said, I hope you can help me with some management advice such as the one you gave me, I will of course pay you.

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What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

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The Walmart Scooterwhale (Terracetus obesitus) is the only member of the cetacean family to live in a terrestrial environment. Commonly found in large-scale grocery stores all across North America, it subsists mostly on fattening junk food, microwave popcorn, and beer.

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What did the Ginger get for his birthday? A soul...................................……................……………•

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-Knock, knock! -Who is it? -Me

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Columbine Massacre

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aa

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Why couldn't anybody at school taste lunch? Nobody made lunch.

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Friends are like balloons.. If you stab them they die.

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We start counting at 1, therefore 0 is countless. I've slept with countless women.

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What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.

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Whats the difference between a squirrel and a grape? They're both squirrels but ones a grap...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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