what did the teacher say to his student? do your work.

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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Loner.

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A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "I want six shots of whisky," responds the young man. "Six shots? What’s the occasion?" asks the barman. "My first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house." To which the young man replies, "No offence sir, but if six shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My name's Dave, Microwave!

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your mama so fat she should go see a doctor.

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What did the father tell his son who was caught stealing from the teacher? --The father didn't say anything because he walked out on his family when the children were born.

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Two muffins were in the oven...They were taken out after about 40 minutes, and then enjoyed by all.

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What did the guy say when he found out his girlfriend had a dick I don't think we should date anymore, you have a dick.

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Your mother is so fat, that if she had 8 clones of her, they would probably not be able to stand in the elevator together due to the maximum capacity, and safety hazard.

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Three women are sitting in a bar. One is drinking beer, one is drinking wine and one is drinking vodka. Which one is the widow? The one whose husband is dead.

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I was chatting to a woman in a bar, when the subject of kids came up. I said, "My son has had to wear nappies for his entire life." "That's awful," she said, "what's wrong with him?" I replied, "Nothing. He's two and a half."

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What did the white man say to the black man that was very interested in the story he had to tell? Cool Story bro, tell it again!

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When A Shouty Man Goes Into His House. His Sister Nearly Kills Him So When A Shouty Man Goes Into A Library. The Books Try To Kill Him.

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Your momma's so fat, she's at risk of a number of cardio-vascular problems, including high blood pressure, leading to heart disease, stroke, type II diabetes, and a premature death. She also has an elevated risk of contracting cancer.

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what do you call an elephant crossing a fish? a elephant fish

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Why did the man get a tattoo? A: he wanted to express himself.

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greetings ZOE. WHAAA BANNANNAS ROCK MAH WORLD. WHY DID THE TRAIN CRASH? ....BECAUSE THE CONDUCTOR WAS A PIECE OF CHEESE! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. WELL LOVE YA CHICAS. PEACE AND BLESSINZ. SALUTATIONS, isabel.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, and I'm blind .

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a gay man walks into a bar the bartender says "what'll it be today" he asks for a beer the bartender comes back with a beer because thats what he asked for.

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Jack and jill Went up the hill To go smoke Some marijuana Jack got high Unzipped his fly And asked jill "Do you wanna?" Jill sais "yes" Pulled up her dress And things got real fun But silly jill Forgot the pill And now they have a son

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How may Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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One Direction has 12 letters. So does gayyyyyyyyyy. Coincidence? I think not.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter because he's not gonna come

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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