If a tree falls on a woman and there's no one around to hear her scream why did a tree fall in the kitchen?

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her.

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What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

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Whats worse than eating a worm? Haveing a worm die in your penis.

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I haven't made a school shooting joke yet, but the day is young Just like those kids that got shot

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How did you feel after smoking that joint? I felt like going to pass out And then? I passed out

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Why was the little boy upset? He was on fire.

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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yo' momma's so fat that when she saw a doctor he told her that she was overweight.

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A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, its because your wearing a suit and on the front door it says no people in suits are allowed." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

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What did the Pope say to the old homeless man who asked him for a blessing? Hahaha, no I won't give you a blessing

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if you can raed tihs steence it menas you are ceelvr eugnoh to uendnrstad tihs: no sex cusaes dgdoy eeys

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There was this guy who walked in the bar with one shoe. The bartender asks what happened. The man said the shoe didn't fit. So the bartender ask where is the other shoe. The man said he threw it away. The bartender looks in the trashcan and sure enough he sees his other shoe. The bartender says "This is the same size as your other shoe. Why are you wearing one shoe?" The man says "I'm just playing a prank on you. There's a hidden camera over there and over there. Is it okay if I can put you on YouTube?" and the bartender says "No."

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if i had a nickel for every time iv typed an anti joke... i would have $0.15

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What do a platypus and Obama have in common? A brain, except for Obama.

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. (Don't ask me how that's possible, just go with it) As the bartender is pouring it, he asks "Why the long face?" The horse responds "My son died of cancer this morning..."

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A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian find a magical lamp with a genie inside. He offers each of them one wish. The Muslim wishes that people didn't look at his people as terrorists. The Jew wishes that the Holocaust never happened, and the Christian wishes for world peace. Actually this didn't happen, Genies don't exist.

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When life gives you lemons, take them. Free shit is cool

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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have you seen Stevie Wonders house? Nope. oh well sorry for bothering you

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What do you get when you mix Catholicism and Islam? War

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What did the man say to the really attractive woman? We are different genders

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Did you hear about the guy who fell out of the stands at the ranger game? He died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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