What do you give a small child when you don't have any candy? Nothing, you just kidnap them.

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Iggy Azalea

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We have a 24hr fitness center...it is open from 6 to 11

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Why didn't Erick have a party last week? Because his grandma died

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what happened to your gran you tell me

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he was peckish.

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Two men are in a bar. One of them turns to the other one and says, "I've slept with your mom." The other one replies "Go home dad you're drunk."

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Come on Red, I am linked with the fucking global bank, that does not mean I go there and get the money! The FBI keeps tabs on absolutely everything, everybody knows that, if Mike Tyson has a cup of tea there, they file him down. Its legal, its secure and incredibly expensive, but the FBI stands for the security of the US alone, that does not mean that they do not work with every other corporation, organization, affiliation,syndicate, and pff, anything. If you suspect that I somehow went from being one of the key members of the underground, to a fucking FBI agent, you can believe that, but then dont ask me for help, nor be my friend, without trust there is no friendship.

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What do you call a dog with three legs, is blind, and has terminal cancer? UnLucky

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So a duck walks into a drugstore and asks the clerk for lip balm. The clerk asks, "How will you be paying for that?" to which the duck replies, "Cash."

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Why did the Mexican jump the fence? He was at his neighbors house and it was shorter to cut through yards than to walk to his house

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Salesmen. Does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Some guy stapled it to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A terrorist threw a refrigerator at it. Why did the girl fall off her bike? She was hit by 3 dead monkeys and a refrigerator.

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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What did one musician say to the other? "We should have gone to college."

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How do you confuse a person from France? By screaming in english at the sky while pionting at him.

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Unnnnnnnn

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whats worse than school...wait a minute?

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There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose body parts were all adequate and thus could not perform any odd sexual acts upon himself.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? Because it wanted to be a monkey? Why did the John fall out of the tree? Because he has no arms and legs because he suffers from a severe case of lepracy. Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Because he got hit by three monkeys, a fridge and a boy with no limbs.

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Q:What's worse then Finding A Worm in Your apple? A: Realizing how empty your life is.

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Why didn't the parachute open? nevermind

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What did the normal guy say when he went to the Special Olympics? What a bunch of retards.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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