Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman...

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Why does a ginger have no friends? Because it is a non sentient horizontal stem and thus incapable of forming complex social and emotional bonds with conscious organisms.

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If you give a mouse a cookie... ...you're destroying its natural diet. It might die.

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what do you call a somone who murders someone else? black.

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A: How much do you love me? B: Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. A: But, it's morning. B: Exactly.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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How many rabbits does it take to screw in a light buld? None, it is scientifically impossible for a rabbit to climb a ladder and screw in a light bulb.

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Three blokes walk into a bar. I'm british.

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Emily Brunelle is skinny

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What is the difference between dead babies and a corvette? There is no corvette in my garage

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what happens when you have A.D.D.? you're EXTREMELY annoying

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What do you call 2 tigers, a zebra, and a walrus? A small zoo full of 4 animals

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Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. A. Knock, Knock! B. Who's There? Not Suzie.

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Friends are like penguins because when you throw a polar bear at them they die

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omg this doesn't work 1.hold breath for 5 minutes 2.die it doesn't work cause you would just knock yourself unconconsiuse and your body will start breathing for you again until you wake up

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What has wheels and flies? A wheel that I have altered so it can fly

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What was the biggest party of 2010? The Democrats.

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What's the difference between a catcher's mitt and Lou Ferrigno? If you seriously said "I don't know, what?" I suggest getting a medical examination by a professional psychologist.

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What is brown and sticky? Black tar heroin.

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A Haiku Haiku's are easy But Sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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Knock Knock! Who's there? I don't remember the rest of the joke but your mom's a whore.

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Dude? What. Dude? What! Wheres my car?

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What's worse than finding half a sticker in your apple Half a worm

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Why doesn't business go well for pizzeria Vesuvio? Their chef has been dead since many years.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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