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Q: What do you get when you mix root beer with a cloud? A: Nothing, you idiot.

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Why did the babysitter only get paid 50 cents for a whole day. Because he was a 6 foot mexican.

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Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, and Joseph Smith walk into a bar. Just kidding, no they didn't.

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Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A: Cheese.

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Knock Knock Who's there? My foot. My foot who? My foot in your ass.

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Kid A:We're home alone, you know what that means. Kid B:Cover ourselves in vaseline and slide around like slugs on the kitchen floor? Kid A:Yes

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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Why did the black man cross the road? He was going to meet up with his friend who happened to be Irish.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? No one. No one actually knocked on your door because this is just a joke.

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What did the hand say to the face? Nothing because body parts cannot speak.

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What happened to the man that walked into the bar... He walked into the bar

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What do you call a black man with no job? Unemployed

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Hey man, you the tall one! Yes? Do you understand me? No. But you do overstand me right? Yeah, I overstand most people.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

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What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

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Why didnt the boy finish the race? Becuase he stepped on a land mine.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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what do you call a cat that cant meow? Charlie Sheen.

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If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

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Q. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car. A. Get in the car.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at poems... Nice t*ts

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What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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