A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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If you have three ice-cream cones, and you give away two, how many do you have left? Why would you give away your ice-cream? Eating it is the better option.

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What's the difference between a good anti joke, and a bad anti joke? There literally is no good anti joke.

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What do Justin Bieber and corn have in common? They are both fruits. Except for the corn.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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yo mama is so fat, she's obeise

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An elephant walks in a bar. The bartender and everyone rushed out as soon as they saw the elephant

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Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangeroot ? Ones a marsupial. The others a Geordie stuck in a lift.

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When Chuck Norris claps, his two hands slam together, creating rather loud soud.

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how do you upset an obese cat? you put her in dog sweaters

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What's windy and sunny at the same time? The weather.

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A man that says YOU SUCK MY DICK YEAH!finds a woman that says YOU SUCK MY BOOB YEAH!They get married,The woman is actually a gay man!

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Why was the man attracted to other men? Because he was gay, and that is typically what happens when people are attracted to members of the same sex, and it is as natural as a man being attracted to women.

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Why did the chicken cross the road To walk back

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Q:Whats the difference between Glenn Close and a black widow? A:one is a person, the other is a species of spider.

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Gods like Santa one day you'll get to the age of reason and see how dumb you were

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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while in iraq i bought a brand new iphone from the black market...it was only $250....its was doing fantastic until i got a text...i herd a loud beeping noise and the it exploded in my pocket and now i no longer have a penis.

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A black woman and a white woman are in a bar. They don't talk to each other though because they don't know each other. THE END.

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Roses are green. Violets are purple. Charlie Sheen. Looks a turtle.

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What does it take to make the best anti-joke ever? not this

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there once was a man, he was old, and he had one wish...do you wanna know that wish? Well i don't know it because he died two seconds ago from a heart attack. Oh Well...

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Hey! How do you do a four strand plait? With four strands.

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fhfhfjjil;tyjgfkileg ryj ftrgndfhuiltyjgn

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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