How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

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What did romeo say to Juliet? A lot of things, Then he gave her a flower.

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What is worse than finding your parents dead? You being charged for the crime.

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A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada, where were the deceased buried? It turns out that there were passengers of several different nationalities on board, all of which were buried in their respective homelands.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Why is purple the best color. Cuz icecream has no bones

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An irishman walks into a bar and drinks 6 pints of guiness. He then drives himself home and savagely beats his wife and children.

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Why did the cow hail a taxi? Because cows can't drive.

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Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

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Apple hates Blackberry.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

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What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

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Why did the boy drop his peanuts and crackerjacks? He had a sudden heart attack and died at the age of 10

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Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

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Why was the sock sad? Impossible. Socks dont have emotions.

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A black, Kenyan man enters a race. He comes in second to last as he didn't practice as much as the other contestants.

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what's the difference between a zebra and a horse They are spelled differently

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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What's orange and fluffy? Orange Fluff

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What happened to the boy with no family? He died in a tragic car accident along with his family

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

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How many blondes can you fit in a car? About 5 if you lift the arm rest.

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What do you call a middle-aged Polish man on Skype? A lonely man.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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