How do you stop a black kid from jumping around in your bedroom? Chuck him out of the house.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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Why are babies like shake weights? Cause If you shake them long enough, they both end up being inanimate objects.

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What did the boy with no parents get for Christmas from his Grampa? Nothing because his Grampa had alzheimer's disease -Flap

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A priest, a rabbi and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the three, laughs and says "Please leave now, God is dead"

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A jew walked into a bar Hitler said.... A jew walked out of a concentration camp

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Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

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Q: How did the black guy die? A: After a long battle with a terrible case of pneumonia he struggled to breath and died a slow and peaceful death... R.I.P. Dad

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have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower? No? well it must have been hiding pretty well.

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so a man walks into a bar...... He has a couple laughs over some drinks then went home.

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What's the difference between an iPhone and a Samsung Galaxy? Google it, there are many differences.

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A rabi and a priest go out for a coffee they talk for a while and go on there way

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eyebrows up means ur flirting this isnt a joke dont laugh

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a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?". the horse answers..."i'm a horse"

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What happens when you fire a machine gun clip into a jew? You are convicted on first degree murder, and most likely sentenced to jail because you can't afford a good lawyer. Orange jumpsuits are uncomfortable.

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Guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink called "Vampire poison". The bartender gives him the drink. The man drinks it and dies. No he was not a vampire, he was just a man with a history of heart failures.

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A Jew buys something that is not on sale

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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What do you call a black man carrying a T.V? Someone that is helping me move.

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What do you call a pig that does karate? By its name. Pigs are often referred to by something regarding the 'Oink' sound that they make. Perhaps in this instance, the pigs name was Oinky. However, this is only a supposition. The range of names is really too wide to make a fair prediction.

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What do the Irish do on their birthdays? Eat birthday cake and sing happy birthday

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How many kleptomaniacs does t take to screw in a lightbulb? What lightbulb?

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Why did the man not get his licence He was blind

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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