A patient goes to the doctor. The doctor says I have bad news and even worse news. The patient says "What's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient says "Oh my gosh what could possibly be worse than that?!" The doctor says "Well...we've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."

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what did one swedish guy say to another swedish guy? I dont speak russian

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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Why did the father smash his sons head into the dentist's building? Because he had a locker in his mouth. Also, equestrian.

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How do you confuse and anger a blonde? Kill her family and loved ones and say you did it because potato.

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What did Pikachu say to Charmander? Nothing. Pokemon are fictional creatures, and thus, do not exist.

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How long does it take a woman to park a car? Shouldn't take long, depends on the size of the parking spot.

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Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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what did the photographer tell the model? You're ugly.

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How many Polacks does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb, one to hold the ladder.

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Wake up in the morning feeling like... Helen Keller

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How many sheets did the Asian want on his bed? "You sheet on my bed I kill you!"

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What is black and white and red all over? A multi-racial orphan who has recently suffered a fatal stab wound to a major artery.

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It's probably not a good idea that your in here, any sudden movements and you could seriously injure somebody. Our beer glasses aren't ergonomically designed for your kind of species. I'm going to have to ask you to leave

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a dog walks into a bar....it sees the horse and starts barking which ever dentally startles and confuses the horse resulting in tables and chairs being knocked over .

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Whats the difference between Obama and Hitler? One is the President of the United States The other is a fascist dictator that killed millions.

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why did the baby die ? he fell down the stairs

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Why did the dead chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was dead.

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Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she is likely to be there for some time.

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Your Mum is soo fat.

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Why was Jimmy sad? Because he has a frog stapled to his forehead

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Whats 9 + 10? 19.

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Why did the woman cross the road? Trick question, she didn't because she was in the kitchen.

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What do you call a black man eating fried chicken? A black man eating fried chicken.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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