A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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Why did the Iraqi airline crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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1)Where do you find a turtle with no legs? 2)Where? 1)Where you left it. 1)... Knock Knock... 2)Who's there? 1)...Not the turtle...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was stapeled on to the elephant.

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Your dad is so fat, that eventually he got on Biggest Loser and ended living a very successful life.

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Mahjdichdhsjxidjhsbxu shcowiqx own hdqu Hedgehog the third

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Why was the Jewish boy afraid of an oven? The last oven malfunctioned and killed his father.

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Why was Samantha crying? Because her hair got stuck in a fan.

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What's worst then finding a worm in your apple Eating it.

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How do you make a car? You build it.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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knock knock. who's there? me. me who? shut up im robbing you.

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what do you call a tall skiny kid with a very big ego autistic

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Why was the couple in the waiting room crying? Because their son was diagnosed of AIDS and will probably not live into his twenties.

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Why did the dog lick his balls? Because he can.

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ilglsdfbvklwbkvbsjklgvsdgbvilsdbklvbwdjkbvwdfseghrfvuowebg

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one man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. when he was drinking the beer he choked and died

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There was porn on the Internet I masturbated to it, but my parents caught me, and I can't ever leave the house again until I'm 18.

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Mel Gibson is awoken by the ringing of his telephone. He proceeds to have a nice conversation with his wife.

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what did the blue paint say to the red paint? i am blue

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penis?

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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An irish man walks into a bar. He drinks responsibly, and leaves shortly afterward.

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What's worse than being a Packer fan? Walking around with cheese on your hea... Oh, wait...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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