- Anti Joke

A guy walks into a bar, but a metal bar, he hurts his head, he goes to the hospital to get an x-ray, Turns out he hard a brain tumor, He died the next day,

What did the man say to the duck? Nothing ducks don't talk.

Two twins are born only a minute apart. There is a mistake at the hospital and they are seperated. Years later they reconnect on Oprah and realize they do not have much in common.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

the little pink lady joke: There once was a little pink lady who lived in a little pink house. One day, she was in her little pink bed when her little pink doorbell rang. So she gets out of her little pink bed, puts on her little pink slippers, crosses her little pink room, openes her little pink door, goes down her little pink hallway, goes down her little pink stairs, and to her little pink door. She openes her little pink door, and there is a postman standing on her little pink mat. The postman says: "Does Mr Green live here?" The little pink lady said: "No." So she closes her little pink door, goes back up her little pink staircase, down her little pink corridor, into her little pink room, takes off her little pink slippers and hops into her little pink bed. Then her little pink doorbell rings again. So she gets out of her little pink bed, puts on her little pink slippers, crosses her little pink room, openes her little pink door, goes down her little pink hallway, goes down her little pink stairs, and to her little pink door. She openes her little pink door, and there is a postman standing on her little pink mat. The postman says: "Does Mr White live here?" The little pink lady said: "No." So she closes her little pink door, goes back up her little pink staircase, down her little pink corridor, into her little pink room, takes off her little pink slippers and hops into her little pink bed. And then her little pink doorbell rings again. So she gets out of her little pink bed, puts on her little pink slippers, crosses her little pink room, openes her little pink door, goes down her little pink hallway, goes down her little pink stairs, and to her little pink door. She openes her little pink door, and there is a postman standing on her little pink mat. The postman says: "Does Mr Brown live here?" The little pink lady said: "No." So she closes her little pink door, goes back up her little pink staircase, down her little pink corridor, into her little pink room, takes off her little pink slippers and hops into her little pink bed. Finally, its breakfast time, so the little pink lady gets out of her little pink bed, puts on her little pink slippers, goes out of her little pink room and to her little pink kitchen. Inside, there are 3 men. 2 are eating cheerios, 1 is eating an apple. This proves that cheerios are more popular than apples!

What happened to the white girl who dropped her ice cream? She bought another one.

What did the girl get with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. Our fast paced American society holds little value for birds of any species and this particular chicken was flattened by Ford F-150.

What's spongy and smells of treacle? Treacle sponge

If you posten bout Kony I feel bad for you son. Cause ive snached 99 children and you pst saved none jesse

Why did the fireman go to the police station? He didn't go to the police station, he went to the fire station.

*Pretend your an orphan] Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

A gentleman walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get for you?" The gentleman replys that he would like a beer. After the bartender fulfils the gentleman's order, the gentleman drinks his beer and enjoys it.

I've got a shotgun with two bullets. I've got two enemies. What do I do with the gun? I go bird hunting. Kelvin Yang

Why did the black guy have a bunch of marihuana? He was the owner of a shop that sold it for medical purposes.

so there was two ducks in a bathtub. one duck says to the other duck, "hey, can you pass me the soap? the other duck says no.

a horse nibbled a baby

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 10 dead babies? I don't keep a Lamborghini I'm my garage

what does a gay horse eat heeyyyyy

A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

Roses are red Violets are blue Daises are yellow Azeleas are pinkish purple

Two penguins are sitting on an ice flow. One says to the other: "hey--you know, it looks like you are wearing a tuxedo." The other one says, "who says I'm not?"

Why did the girl fall of the swing? Because she was shot in the face by a lone gunman.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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