Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

I met her back in the 80s when she was a man.

why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts

little potato when born allicator don't have neck, if u like me it's cause u stole my scooter

That akward moment when you tell a person you like them and they don't respond.

have you seen stevie wonder's house. no? Well nethier has he you

Q. What did the Cat say to the Dog? A. "These humans are so jobless.."

In soviet russia, child molests you! Unfortunately true

I'm winning at Scrabble.

knock knock who's there? banana well that's an odd name. banana then began to break down in tears because his parents were constant drug abusers and gave him that name while they were high

Q: How did Helen Keller cross the street? A: She walked.

A man walks into a bar

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it was in the oven because the farmer was cooking it for dinner.

Hello

Your mother is so fat that when she jumps into a pool, she displaces a proportionately larger amount of water than people with normal body mass indexes or BMI

Knock, knock. Who's there? Gestapo.

Why did t chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock, knock. Who's there? The chicken

What do you get when you cross a spider with a cow? A dead spider.

Knock Knock Who's there? Jeff Oh hey Jeff, come on in

Asian women drivers...

What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer What did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that far

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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