Hey Jake can I use your lawnmower? Why Michael, so you can run over my cat like you did last night

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how do you get a scouters power level to 9,000? power levels dont exist in real life therefore cannot reach 9,000

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I was on Skype with a girl yesterday and she asked "Do you want to see something?" "No," I said "my mom's in the room and she might get a bad interpretation." "I really want you to see this." She said. " No, my mom's still in the room, she'll think I'm weird if you turn out the lights." "Darn I really wanted to see your glow in the dark snuggie."

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Q: What's the difference between a grasshopper and pencil? A: Lots

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away? What about the vampires?

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Why'd Mary fall off her bike? Because she was hit by a bus. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Mary... O.o

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A black guy, a white guy, a Jew, and a priest are on plane that is on fire. What do they do? Call their family and tell them they lovedthem, because there are more than likely going to die.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because blind people aren't allowed to drive in the United States.

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when push comes to shove, shove repeatedly explains to push that she needs to stop stealing his money and find a new place to live. Push then leaves, allowing shove to return back to his sofa and finish watching the basketball game.

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2 guys walk into a bar but the third one has known about what happens to the third guy but since he is reading this in a newspaper and his unaware of his surroundings he walks into the bar anyway and feels very foolish.

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Why couldnt the man stop the car rolling down the hill? Because he had no legs.

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A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who hits the ground first? The one that jumped first

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What did Jeff do to the bench? He sat on it

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Why can't the Asian do math? He has down-syndrome.

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"Why did the clown fall off the swing" "he was shot in the face"

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do you know what was a good idea? not last night

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How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb?? None it is physically impossible

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What do a blonde and a door knob have in common? Everybody gets a turn

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Why did the lemon eat salt? I DON'T KNOW!!

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Why did the black guy sing? Cause he can sdf sdfsd f sdf ds f sd fsd f sd f ds g sdfgh fsh sdf h dfsg dfs g df gdfgdf g d yeah thats right

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Why a man without hands and without legs want to stay in a barrel? He actually doesn't, but is unable to get out of it.

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Asian: what time is it? other person: time for you to open your eyes.

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How do you get a slave to stop screaming from the rope he is hanging on? You stop messing around and you hang him already!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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