why was the little boy crying? he wasnt, he died 2 weeks ago

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the nun cry? 12 babies were killed under her care.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock knock. "Whose there?" "Dave" Oh alright Dave, two seconds I have got to unlock the door~looks for and finds keys and unlocks door~ Hello Dave, sorry mate not been out yet so not been out, come in.........

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are red. I f***** a dude. you're a failed abortion. I never loved you.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q: What's worse than falling off a mountain A: Falling off a mountain into a pile of spikes

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Three women are seen walking while having ice cream. One of them is licking the ice cream. Another is sucking the ice cream, and the other one is biting the ice cream. One of these women is married. Which one is married? The one that has a wedding ring on her finger.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Is J.P. dumb? Yes

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A wonderful dairy product that i can not have due to the fact that i do not own it.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red violets are blue or at least that's what they tell me because I am blind

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I've got a tip for the ladies. Or if you like I can put the whole thing

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red, Bacon is also red. Poems are hard, Bacon.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Have you seen Hellen Keller's dad? Neither did she

thumb_up thumb_down -6

hi dave

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What kind of people have fat lips? People who have gotten punched in the lip or have suffered a serious lip injury that has caused their lips to swell up.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

identical jokes get different votes.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man walks into a bar, but it was a gay bar, and the man was a homosexual so he stayed and had fun then later that night he went home to his girlfriend

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the Republican say after he got off the ferris wheel but before he went on the roller coaster? "Boy, that ferris wheel sure was fun! Now I will ride the roller coaster!"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

q- what do you call a small number of black people running away from a large group of white people? a- every marathon known to man...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man drives down the road in a van that says "Candy" He was doing his job in a professional manner

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's big, green, has 4 legs, and if it falls out of a tree will kill you? A pool table

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Teddy- Last Thursday, A nice man named teddy was laid off at his local police department. Teddy was depressed, and mad at himself for his own failure. Teddy went to the library and found a book on Suicide. The librarian asked if he had his library card. He said yes, and presented it. The librarian scanned the card and checked out his book. Teddy went to his home and read a few chapters in his book, he found it useful. He then traveled to a firearms store and purchased a handgun. The clerk said that there was a sale on 40 count packages of the bullets he was buying. He said no thank you; I will only need one bullet. Teddy paid and went on his way home to find some peace. He did not find it………………… Because there was an annoying mocking bird outside his window. Teddy knew of this, and used his new weapon to shoot the bird. He only needed the one bullet because he was an ex-police officer, and had good aim. Teddy then used his new found knowledge on the topic of suicide, and wrote a remarkably well written article for a magazine he had interviewed for. Teddy knew that the prompt (suicide in the United States today) was very challenging, and he was compelled to hear how well he had done. The article landed him a new job as a writer for the magazine. On Friday, Teddy started his new job, and was delighted to learn that his new office was complete with a window that over looked the whole town. What a view, he remarked. He then threw himself out the eight story window, and landed on a homeless blind man. The homeless blind man had a coat full of newspapers to keep him warm in the winter time. And the padding suppressed the lethality of Teddy’s fall. He remarked how ironic it was that the homeless person‘s warm coat would never keep him warm again. Teddy laughed, and continued on with his fulfilling day until the police arrested him at 5:13 in the afternoon. He was a dashingly handsome toaster that supplied the town with lots of warm bread. So the police released him. And teddy and the Hooker lived happily ever after. Saturday, Teddy’s relationship with the hooker began falling apart. He was drinking now, and every now and then he came home a little too drunk. He beat and raped her………….. And nine months later they had a beautiful baby boy named Sam. They nurtured Sam till the ripe old age of 16. (Unfortunately, nurture for Teddy meant more rape and beating) For Sam’s 16th birthday, he was lead to the basement for a surprise party, where he was tripped into a wood chipper and ground into a fine pulp. Teddy added a blend of chili powder and sour cream. The hooker suggested that he should add some pickled jalapeño juice, but Teddy argued that it would be too spicy and ruin the chili. But the banana commented that he could add extra sour cream if the spice was to over whelming. Teddy trusted bananas, and added the pickled jalapeño juice. He then entered the chili in the local chili bowl competition and won second place. He was once again disappointed in his work, and went on a rampage killing all the bananas that ever betrayed him. Despite his good looks and practical use, Teddy had to face the continuances of his actions. He was discharged from his position at the local police department. Sunday, Damn, thought Teddy, the library’s closed on Sunday. The End

thumb_up thumb_down -6

You see the love of your life. You can't say anything. She walks toward you. You can't move. She sits on you. You can't do anything. She starts crapping on you. You realize your a toilet. -Adam Chebali

thumb_up thumb_down -6

if a fat guy in a red suit comes into your house on christmas. its not santa your about to get raped from chewy(:

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops