A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about the green and the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Yo mama so fat, she gonna die soon.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's black, white, and red all over? An ovulating mulatto woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How do you confuse Hellen Keller? You do not, as she is blind and deaf, and partaking in doing so would be the morally wrong thing to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Roses are read, Violets are blue, I have aids, now so do you

thumb_up thumb_down -26

You wanna hear something dirty? A pile of garbage. That's dirty.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

(read this aloud): A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. Him and the giraffe order multiple shots and get hammered. The giraffe on the other hand can't hold his liquor so well, and ends up passing out on the floor of the bar. The man decides to leave him there and take off. On his way out, the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't just leave that lyin' there!" and the man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

But I like being mean and angry! Nevermind, 158 according to Mensa`s standard bullshit test (my wife got 160, I remember we argued a lot over it because I kept insisting they would not use the same predictable pattern again... I overestimated them wildly I can make more advanced stuff than they can, and in no way do I consider myself "The worlds elite required to ensue the future survival and salvation of mankind`s finest and fittest" those fucking arrogant suckers,,,) Below average in any test including American presidents and historical events. Aaand about 450 in any bullshit online test which then offers you "more accurate tests" which cost money and probably destroys the fake confidence any idiot buying such a test in the first place might have built up,

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Hello, I'm David and I just stabbed my aunt in the eye. Just kidding, my name isn't David. That was an Aunt Eye(anti) joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

what did Stephen Hawking say to the prositute? nothing, because he has a disability which renders him unable to speak

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did one cancer patient say to the other? Nothing, both of them were dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Q. How many jews can you fit in a car? A. depending on the car size and make, oh and the size of the ash tray is also important

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What green and has wheels? grass I lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a donkey on Christmas? a donkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the Chinaman say to the other Chinaman? I dont know, he was speaking in Chinese.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy? You're skinny

thumb_up thumb_down -28

the mean terrorist said "i am going to kill your mother" that mother is now dead

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Yo mamma is so old that she died.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock-eater.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Q:What do you call a duck that can fly? A:Bird.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What did the blind, deaf orphan get for Easter? Hepatitis.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Soooo... a black man walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops