a pan of muffins comes out of the oven one muffin says "hey im really burnt" another muffin says "oh my gosh! a talking muffin!"

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A man walks into a park. He gets abducted and raped by flying asparagus.

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Kid A:We're home alone, you know what that means. Kid B:Cover ourselves in vaseline and slide around like slugs on the kitchen floor? Kid A:Yes

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WHY DONT WE HAVE BOTH?

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Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

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A blind man walks into a bar, bystanders help him up.

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Why was segregation made Illegal? because its more fun to break the law

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Why couldn't the mother make her son's funeral? She died in a car crash on the way there.

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A rabi and a priest go out for a coffee they talk for a while and go on there way

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This is Axel, if you are who I think you are, you are late.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself.

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What kind of cheese isn't yours? Someone else's.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Jimmy: I'm like hey, what's up, hello. Jon: I've already met you.

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.

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Why couldn't jack join the football team? Jack has down syndrome

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Nope, Chuck Testa.

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How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But after she does this, se will probably have sex with another woman

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Why did the black man go to jail? He stole some rice.

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A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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An Iranian, a Mexican, and an American are on an airplane. The plane is too heavy to take off, so to lighten the load, each person has to throw off something their country has a lot of. The Iranian throws off a nuclear bomb. The Mexican throws off a sombrero. The American throws off an apple pie.

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What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I actually take my shoes off when I jump on the trampoline.

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Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

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What do you call a house big enough to fit all the poor people in America? A fairly large establishment without quality standards.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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