A man walks into a bar, He is a severe alcoholic and is slowly drowning himself in booze. The man exits the bar after several hours of heavy drinking and walks home. He enters his home to discover a man in bed with his wife. After the first ten seconds of paralyzing rage, he grabs a .44 Magnum and brutally murders his wife and her bed mate. The man realizes he has woken up his two month old, and after thinking of the horrible act he has committed, he promptly raises the pistol to his temple and pulls the trigger. Oh, I almost forgot, the man was schizophrenic and has never been married.

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What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

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what did the homeless man get for Christmas? nothing.

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

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A: If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test? B: A test can be many things: 1. A procedure for critical evaluation; a means of determining the presence, quality, or truth of something; a trial: a test of one's eyesight; subjecting a hypothesis to a test; a test of an athlete's endurance. 2. A series of questions, problems, or physical responses designed to determine knowledge, intelligence, or ability. 3. A basis for evaluation or judgment: "A test of democratic government is how Congress and the president work together" (Haynes Johnson). 4. Chemistry a. A physical or chemical change by which a substance may be detected or its properties ascertained. b. A reagent used to cause or promote such a change. c. A positive result obtained. 5. A cupel. A: Oh.

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Q why did the kids make fun of timmy A because he was an android with al chunk of metal added accidentally where a real boys crotch would be. Bwilkster

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was an avocado

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Jerry: Hi what's your name? Bob: My name is bob. Jerry: Bob, nice to meet you, my name is Jerry. Bob: Nice to meet you Jerry.

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A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

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Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams,heat does.

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Facilitator huh? Sounds like someone that kills someone standing in the way, or bribes off others.

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Are you thinking Arby's? No. My grandmother died of tuberculosis and it's troubling me.

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Wake up in the morning feeling like... Helen Keller

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Person 1: Why does food from Subway taste so good? Person 2: I don't know, why? Person 1: Because their ingredients are fresh. Person 2: Um, OK? Person 1: Yeah, it's all under 18. Person 2: Shit...

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What happens if you accidentally say your best-male friend's name instead of your boyfriend's name during sex? Nothing, they're both named Adam.

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What's clear and looks like water? Water.

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Yo momma so fat, she was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is at great risk for developing heart disease!

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a black man walks out of popeyes

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Tell me who you are, who you are working for, I wont tell anybody, and I will have someone to hack this site on the hour and remove these comments, please.

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A:Whats the air speed velocity of a swallow? B:What an african or English swallow? A:Well I don't know that.

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-Knock knock! -Who's there? -DEFAX.

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I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me,.WUMBO!

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why was the cream sad? he was frozen and turned into a popular dessert

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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