If Bob has 65 sweets and he eats 57 how many does he have? Bob has diabetes. He has high blood sugar, either because the body does not produce enough insulin, or because cells do not respond to the insulin that is produced.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What was so sad about the white woman who dropped her Starbucks? It fell on her baby in a nearby stroller giving it third degree burns, disfiguring its face.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? I'm sleeping with your wife

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you get when you cross a cow with an elephant? A deformed organism

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Robocop The Reboot reboot. Watch as The friendly robot named Murphy, is violently broken down by a horrible shower of water, the only means to save him is to transfer his data into a human. He awakens again as Robofriendlydude (starring Adam Sandler) as a robot learns to love, learns to share, learns to dance with children in this years Reboot of the classic love comedy Robocop. PG-3 "So good I could only watch five seconds of it" Rotten potatoes. 99 percent fresh. "Kill me with a chainsaw" Honest reviews. "AWESOME!" Dishonest reviews "Makes Twilight seem like the better lovestory" Everyone.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? It varies. Alzheimer's is a very slow progressing disease, and many people suffering from it are capable of a wide variety of a number of everyday activities.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the sadistic farmer with a loaded shotgun (as the farmer has an extremely large score to settle with the chicken, as his wife was dead, a cause of mad cow disease, an STD from the chicken, as the chicken is a pimp) thus escaping captivity and starting a new life as a free chicken. God save Martin Luther KIng

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats the difference between a soccer ball and a baby? Babies cry when I kick them.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar, they manage to have a delightful evening, despite their religious differences.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

how do you make an idiot laugh? tell him a joke from antijoke

thumb_up thumb_down +4

So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is white and weighs twice as much as Shamoo? My ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do prevent a nun from walking through a revolving door? Put a spear through her head.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between a grape and a duck? They're both purple, apart from the duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because a black man was chasing his dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Sally's ice cream melt? She was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If you can't see what I see... You must be blind. If you can see what I see... Well I can't be blind because I have been able to see all my life!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How can a black person and a white person be friends? The civil right's movement.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Yo mama so fat she makes blind kids cry

thumb_up thumb_down +4

"I'm so hungry!" "Hello so hungry, I am Matt. You must come from a very odd family if your name is " so hungry"!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops