Q: What kind of punch do vampires drink ? A: None... It's really blood, you should know that by now.

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What did one cow say to the other cow? Moo

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a man was shot.... he died

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whats more embarissing rhan being raped by a squirel? Being a 40 year old virgin working at mcdonalds

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What's worse than stubbing your toe? Slavery.

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What's the difference between shoes and babies? You can't eat shoes.

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q:What do you tell a deaf person? a:nothing.

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A woman stopped making sandwiches.

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How many Druggies does it take to make toast. One.

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Friends are like balloons When you stab them they die.

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Why wasn't the little boy allowed to get a dog? Because the orphanage he lives at doesn't allow dogs.

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Why didnt the chicken cross the road? Because he got hit by a bus.

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Wanna know a secret? I didn't read or agree to the terms and services

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Fill in the blank: A ______ is a man's best friend. Jake: Is it dog? Host: YES! Now for the 1 million dollars! Finish the sentence: I just saved a lot of money by Jake: Switching to Geico? Host: Sorry, that's incorrect. The correct answer is "I just saved a lot of money by not spending it on useless junk and by budgeting my account towards investing in the future." Oh well, nice try.

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What is the leading cause of death? - Dying.

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You know what's funny? You got AIDs

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10% of car thieves are left-handed. 80% of chimpanzees are left-handed. Therefore, if your car is stolen, there's an 8% chance a chimpanzee is responsible.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron? I've never forcibly expelled three tire irons from my vagina.

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why did the slytherin cross the road twice? ... because they are double-crossers.

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What did the drunk man say to his wife? "I love you, Honey"

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust

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Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he got shot. Q. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he was stapled to the first monkey.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops