What's the quickest way to a man's heart? A knife.

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Why did the woman make a sandwich? Because she was hungry.

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Whats smells like a banana and is purple? A banana, I lied about the purple thing.

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What do you call a black guy that feeds children? A waiter

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Why was lil' Susie screaming horrifically? Nobody knows. That's why the neighbors called the cops. -Harrison

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Why was little Mat petting his dog? Just kidding his dog died in a house fire... so did little Mat

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A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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A zebra walks into bar, the surrounding customers in the bar become very intrigued why this exotic creature has wandered from Africa into New york. Before they can come to a concluson animal control opens fire on the creature, splatering its organs onto the tables. This event ruined the night for most customers and they fileout of the bar calmly but sad

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Sticks and stones may break my bones because I have osteoporosis

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What do you call a black man that works with out pay? A volunteer

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Why did the blind man laugh at the book. He didn't

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women and girls can really get enjoyment out of sex. it's not really about controlling the man.

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What is grey and transparent? An elephant in a zip-lock bag.

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If Hellen Keller could meet Obama, what would she say? Nothing.

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If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs; if we had some eggs.

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why did the kid struggle in school? because hes mentally retarted

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Where did the Smith family spend their weekend together? At the father's funeral.

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What's the similarities between a spoon and a duck. Both are not a lamp

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How do you say the weekend in French? The weekend in French.

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You Scream, I Scream, The cops come, It's awkward

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wanna hear a joke? yes

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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whats better than 1,000,000 dollars? 1,000,001 dollars

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what did the potato say to the apple nothing food can't talk

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops