What happened to the blonde who blew out her birthday candles? Her hair caught on fire

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What is pink, red and silver and crawls into walls? A baby with forks in it's eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What rhymes with car? Not kangaroo

thumb_up thumb_down -14

how do you delete your joke off anti-joke? you don't.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man walks into a bar He wakes up from his coma 21 years later and learns that humans now serve pumpkins as gods.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You pour cold water on her head or make a loud noise nearby.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Did you hear about the Irish man that accidently killed himself,he farted in the bath & drowned trying to smell it

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's bigger than China and Smaller than my penis? Russia and a smaller penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

how do you scare a deaf person? you yawn

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do andy and Justin Bieber have in common? they are both 5'7

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did michael say to sam? (pedo face) YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? a guy who copies antijokes on ant joke.com

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a schizophrenic And so am I

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How many apples do you end up with if your dog is a golden retriever who got raped by a giant scorpion? A jail

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you do when your girlfriend is bleeding? She is probably on her period.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? A: I don't have a ferari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

im telling maguire

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats the fastest way to be murdered tell your wife your cheating on her

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Your mother is so ugly that I removed her from my friends list on Facebook.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown, sued the water company, bought a huge settlement and ran off with that slut Little Bo Peep.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are trapped on a desert island. As they investigate the island to find food and shelter they find a magic lamp. Together they rub the lamp and sure enough a genie appears and tells them he will grant each of them a single wish. The brunette goes first and wishes to be back home. The genie claps his hands and she appears in her house, where her husband and children are waiting for her. She is happy that her ordeal is behind her and to see her loved ones. The redhead goes next and also wishes to be back home. The genie claps his hands and she appears in her house. She is not married and has no kids, but she has 2 cats. She is happy to be through her ordeal and to see her beloved pets. The blonde went last and also wished to be sent home. The genie clapped his hands and she appeared back in her house. She wasn't married, and had no kids or pets, but she was still happy that her ordeal was over.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a woman with one leg? I don't know. I am not in the position, currently, of knowing anyone who finds themselves in such an unfortunate condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops