What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

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Why could'nt the boy eat peanuts? Because if he did he would proceed to have an allergic reaction, his throat would swell up, he would go into analeptic shock and die.

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A jew walks into a bar.... He has a beer and then goes home to his family.

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How do you make a ninja fly a plane? You put a gun to his head and say fly this plane.

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Two blonds are driving to Disneyland. While there driving they see a sign "Disneyland: left" So they started crying and headed back home.

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Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living? He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.

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What is faster than a black guy stealing a TV? His brother with a DVR

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Why did 12 people die when they went to see The Dark Knight Rises movie premiere? Because they were shot and bled profusely resulting in quick, painful death.

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Why did the cat explode on the street? Cause i put a grenade in a fridge and then threw it at it.

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Q: what weighs 6 ounces sits in a tree and is very deadly? A: a sparrow with a machine gun

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You know what's funny? A bucket full of dead babies. Do you know what's funnier? The last one is still alive and crying.

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If one of us goes, all of us go. If we all go, none of us are left out.

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A blonde and a brunette both starred in a TV show.. It was called Beavis and Butthead.

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A drunk man is that last one inside a very popular bar. He passed out on the counter before he ordered a drink. The bartender is angry at a sale lost, which would have been his millionth sale before closing time on the 1000th day of business. He goes home and hangs himself.

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What's the difference between a cake and Jews? A cake comes out of the oven.

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Have you heard the joke that they don't tell retarded people? You haven't? Well then alright let me tell you because it's actually quite amusing.

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There once was a girl named sally with no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally.

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Why did the Muslim enter the bar? He didn't.

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Guess What! HI!

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Why did the man walk into the bar? Because he wasn't looking where he was going

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Why did Jack got late to his date? Because he was playing Call of Duty and forgot about the time.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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knock knock go away

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Q: What's up? A: Definitely not a plane, due to an unfortunate hijacking and terror bombing shortly after departure. There were no survivors.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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