A duck walks into a convient store and ask the cashier, "You got any bread?". The cashier immediatley responds, "No sorry, we don't sell bread." The next day the duck comes back and asks the same cashier, "You got any bread?" The cashier sighs and responds, "No, we still have no bread." After browsing for about three minutes the duck comes back and asks, "You have any bread?" The cashier, as pissed off as a beached whale, says, "NO! WE WILL NEVER GET ANY FRICKEN BREAD AND IF YOU ASK AGAIN I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THIS COUNTER!" The duck sways his head and looks to the ground, only to look right back at the cashier and ask, "You got any nails." The cashier says, "No." The duck comes back and says, "You got any bread?"

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Jo Brand no longer looks like a ball sack draped over a football.

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alex and clayton are having sex at school. at that point, their teacher walks in and tells clayton about the dangers of unprotected sex.

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What is black and white and red all over? A nun that just fell down the stairs.

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Is this the Krusty Crab? Yes.

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Did you hear the one about the guy who went his whole life without ever telling a joke? He was still funnier than David Letterman.

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Why do gingers smell so bad? So the blind can hate them too

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Why was the woman arrested for trying to have sex with a miner? Because he was on the job and her advances were completely unwanted.

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What's long, hard and full of semen? An erect penis prior to ejaculation.

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Why did Sara fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sara.

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Why was the blonde confused? Because someone was dressed in a chicken costume throwing pinecones at her.

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Robin, get in the car, please.

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

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what do you say when your phone is broken? A: my phone is broken

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why did the girl like dick? Because Dick was a nice boy.

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What do you say to seduce a woman? Is that a mustache? WTF!

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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If your riding a jet ski and the wheels fall off Then how many pancakes does it take to Cover a dog house Purple because ice cream doesn't have Any bones

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How do you get clean dishes? You wash them.

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are all dead

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Knock knock Who's there? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Wow Nero, you never explained the process, its like I am at the ocean again, but dont lie, you still fear showers... Sorry its just not you when you lie to me, I know I should be more concerned about you, ill bring those old stuff, im tired, sleepy, I suppose thats your work huh Nero? Thanks, call it as a brother or what you want, but I really love you and wont ever stop doing so. Goodnight Nerochan, promise me you will take care of yourself, we all got a long life ahead of us, and I want to spend more time with you, if its fine for you and your wife.

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What happened to the little girl who fell into the lake? She was rescued and made a complete recovery.

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What does a blonde say when she being raped? Ow it hurts stop... What does the guys who's raping her say? Oh shut up you know you like it...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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