I am a mime

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Did you hear about the blonde that crashed her car? No. Is she okay?

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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They usually say "fuck" the police! But no one wants to fuck the police...

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when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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what did the little boy get for christmas? nothing his parents stuck him in a mental ward to forget about him because he was mentally challenged.

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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What do you call a fish with no "i's"? A blind fish.

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Yo mama so old, she must take arthritus medicine to keep out of extreme pain.

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What did the hose say to the sprinkler? I'm gonna squirt you.

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One day there was 2 black guys in hoodys with knives in there hand. They tapped me on the shoulder and took my groceries. They then made me a jam sandwich and went on there way

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what movie can a retarded 8 year old play the lead role in. Zathura

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

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What happened to the child drowning in a pool? He was saved by the well-trained lifeguard.

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Why did the black man cross the road? To escape from his owner.

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What dithe blackman say to the white man ???? Nothin! They both committed suicide.

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Why did the paperboy fall off his bike? I threw a fridge at him because he was a ginger.

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How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

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what did the guy say when he lost his sandwich? wheres my sandwich?

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A hasidic Rabbi and a member of Hezbollah enter a bar in a Jewish settlement. (No, of course they didn't.)

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How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i got a boner, from looking at you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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