Why was the teacher sad? Because her boyfriend broke up with her.

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Q:Whats the difference between Glenn Close and a black widow? A:one is a person, the other is a species of spider.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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You know what makes me smile? Facial muscles.

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Roses are red... Violets are blue... I have Alzheimers... CHEESE ON TOAST

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When is a door not a door? When it is thrown away. Then, it will likely decompose in a landfill or be recycled into another product. In either case, it will no longer be a door.

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Why was the wife laying on the ground crying? Because she wasn't in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband

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What does it take to make the best anti-joke ever? not this

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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What do a watermelon and a bunny have in common? they are both green except the bunny

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Why doesn't Austin have sex? Because when his wife gets hot he puts dirt on her and hits her with a shovel

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but smell this towel, you won't remember a thing.

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Why didn't the Mexican go to college? He was caught smuggling drugs over the border and was shot.

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Q: Were yyoouu talking smack about me? A: what? Q: did i studder? A:yeah you said yyoouu Q: well were ya A: no Q: oh ok.. A: k bye..

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So theres a Black guy, White guy and Mexican guy all sitting at a bar. They were friends.

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Why did Jack like oranges? - Penis

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What is stupid and looks like you? You.

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A knock knock B who's there A nobody

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What do you call a black man with a knife and red liquid on his hands? A chef who accidently spilled strawberry jam on himself.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are yellow Grass is green

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What's worse than dieing? Not much.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

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Q: What does a bunny and a plum have in common? A: They're both purple except the bunny.

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Why'd the cop pull over the black person? He made a traffic infraction.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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