If you're happy and you know it get a life

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What did Tarzan shout when he saw the elephants coming? "Here come the elephants!"

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what do you get if you cross a retard with ruddell? andrew ruddel

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What is the fastest bird in air? NONE WHO NEEDS TO RIDE BIRDS WHEN YOU HAVE AIROPLANES!!!!

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Why don't flowers bite you when you pick them? Cuz they don't have a brain.

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Where's my baby??

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knock knock who's there? nobody. then why are you knocking?

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A: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Q: None! They shouldn't have to...

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what do you call a man with no arms or legs? numerous abusive terms as you kickk him to death.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? poke her face.

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What's worse than burning your bacon? Finding your daughter decapitated and raped in the basement.

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The police shouldn't have cars. They should use skateboards and use flowers as their gun. When they catch a criminal in the act, they have to hug him before sending him to prison

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Whats long, green and falls out of trees? A canoe. Why did the old man fall out of the tree? He was in the canoe.

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whats red, sits in a corner and is slowly getting smaller and smaller baby with a cheese grater whats green and sits motionless in the corner same baby 2 weeks later

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I haven't been this tired since the last time I was tired

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What did the homeless man's sign say? It didn't say anything. You had to read it.

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Why do midgets wear condoms? To avoid unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

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life is like a rapist. sometimes they're nice other times, they ram you in the ass.

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Why did the spy cross the road? To get to the other hide.

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Why did the gay man buy a prius? because it is a very fuel efficient car and will save him a lot of money of gas

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Why didn't the boy want to go to school? Because it was 3am.

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im gonna poop my pants. mom said to wipe afterwards i am a teletubby

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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