your mama so fat she should go see a doctor.

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What did the white man say to the black man that was very interested in the story he had to tell? Cool Story bro, tell it again!

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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What happen when a penguin walks into a bar? That is an almost impossible occasion. Penguins first of all waddle not walk and they only live in Antarctica and zoos, therefor they will not be able to enter one unless Antarctica becomes populated.

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A child logs on to antijoke.com he is a chronic masturbator

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Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad that this joke took your mind off your terminal cancer?

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What do fish and shoe laces have in common? nothing.

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What did little Susie give to young Billy on Christmas? Genital Herpes.

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What's the difference between a Green Grocers and Fighter pilot! One flys a plane and one sells food.

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What do you get if you put a horse in a blender? Dinner

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Whats the difference between a house and a truck? Ones a truck the other one is a house

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What's black and white and red all over? News paper that was used to cover up a dead body.

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Why did Michael Jackson become white? Because he likes to molest children.

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Q:How do you fit ten babies into a bucket? A: A blender Q:How do you get them out? A: Nachos

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You know what pansies remind me of? What? A flower

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Did you hear about the guy who did a backflip off the cliff? He died

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Hitler wasn't that bad... He DID kill Hitler.

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What did the ghost say to the black man? nothing. He just shot him.

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how do you burn a lot of calories? set a fat kid on fire

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This joke is the worst joke ever.

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When Geese fly in their 'V' formation, why is one line bigger than the other? There's more geese in that line.

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My mum is called Steve

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A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

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Roses are red, Violets are violet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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