Why did the duck eat the chicken noodle soup? The duck was told that if he ate the chicken noodle soup on Fear Factor he would win $10,000. What he failed to realize was that he forgot to sign page 16 on the episode contract and did not win any money and was sued by Campbell's soup for copyright infringement.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

im jacob, i have as much hair on my penis as mr macs head.....none.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What looks like a chair but isn't? A picture of a chair.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do a fish and a frog have in common? They can both live in water. Its a well known fact.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

(for comedians) I went to a coffee shop the other day. I ordered a coffee then sat down. Behind me there were two people talking. I didn't eves drop because it's impolite so I drank my coffee and left.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you stop a train? You don't, unless your the conductor in which case you would hit the brake.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

i ate and i ate and i was sick on the floor 8x8=64

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock-knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know where I am, I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did Ramsey fall off the seesaw? Because while he was playing with friends on a seesaw at a nearby Country Club, a very angry and insane man who had many handicaps, decided to solve his problems by killing someone. A funeral was held a week later.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

a fat old hobo named da'shovant'e ate a bucket of fried chicken then killed a little girl named poopface McFergusen

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? His health was dwindling ever since he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer several years ago and this looked like the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats worse than a baby crying on a plane. 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +13

One day a child goes to the doctor and says, "it hurts when do this" as he pokes his throat. The doctor, after several well-performed deep tissue testing, diagnosed the child with stage four esophageal cancer. The child cried himself to sleep that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I just can't stand sitting down!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

full house

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Me: You know what's funnier than 24. Friend: 25? Me: No, 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why couldn't the black man swim He never learned how.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: A jew and asian and a normal white guy walk into a resturan, who orders the cheapest meal. A: the Asian, its 1940 and the jews dead

thumb_up thumb_down +13

"knock knock" "Come in"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two men walk into a bar. You think the second man would have seen it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other one's a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A teenage girl walks into a dark alley. She emerges on the other side completely unharmed.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops