So two friends walk into a bar. One says to the bartender, "Get me a Miller Lite please." The bartender says, "Sure." The other friend says, "Get me a Cosmopolitan please." The bartender stares at him and says, "That is not the drink I was expecting you to order, but I respect your decision."

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Why did the man not go to church? He was an atheist.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Luke Futie

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear made her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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Q: How many years does it take for a deer to grow into a moose? A: 7

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What did the man with cancer do? Die

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Wanna hear a joke? Joe Jonas.

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What do you get when you cross a zebra and a panda? Well, pandas are almost extinct. I guess they gave up and started goin' with zebras.

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how do you get a blonde out of a tree? you politely ask her, then if all else fails call the local fire department

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What's the difference between a duck

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knock knock who's there i lost my wallet my nan died

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What's the difference between a live baby and a dead baby? A dead baby doesn't cry.

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What'f funny and has 8 wheels? The Holocaust, I lied about the wheels

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Your momma's so dumb, she had to spend an extra hour studying for her mathematics test.

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What did the kid say when he fell of a cliff and met Tom jones? Hi

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A black man walks into a bar and says, "ouch."

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Patients: Whats happening doctor Doctor: I am afraid you all have tested positive Patients: Oh No!!! Doctor: Positive for being great friends all these years! Patients: Oh Doctor you are so.... Doctor: ASWELL AS AIDS!!!

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Charlie Sheen walks into a bar... Every morning, and stays until it closes... [credit gilbert gottfried]

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Why was the 45 year old man crying? He shit his pants.

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Q: How do you stop a rhino from charging? A: The construction of a steel-reinforced concrete wall will work in most instances, but for more resistant cases, the use of a high-impact titanium anti-rhino charging barrier is required.

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Why did the child get hit by a bus? He was blind.

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? That they've may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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What's worse than losing the remote Finding it in your ass hole

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Whats the best part about 23 year olds? Theres 20 of them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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