"Did you eat your veggies?" asked the shark, sarcastically.

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What did the man say to his doctor? AHHH AHHHHH OH MY GOD! AHHH OUCH HOLY SHIT FUUUUUUCK!!!... ____/\_____/\_____/\___________________

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what do you call a black man on tv? an actor

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Knock Knock. Who's there? (a police officer steps in and says): What is red and green and peed all over? I dont know Im sorry to say, but its your mother. A group of teens killed her and defiled her body with urine. She was wearing green.

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Okay, So a Cow, a Lumberjack and a Fireman walk into a bar. The cow asks the bartender, "What kind of milk do you have?" The bartender looks confused and asks," Why would a cow want milk?" The cow replies,"I've been producing milk all my life and I've never had a chance to try it. I'd just like some milk." The bartender replies,"Okay we have whole milk, 2%, and skim milk. What'll you have?" The cow says,"Whole milk, I want the whole deal." The bartender obliges. Next the Lumberjack comes up to the bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The lumberjack asks for some syrup. The bartender inquiries,"What kind of syrup would you like?" The lumberjack answers,"Pure Maple, imitation, or chocolate. All work for me." The bartender turns and pours a shot of pure maple syrup and turns away. Finally the fireman walks up the the bartender and says, "Can I have a glass of water?" The bartender turn and ask inquisitively,"Why?" The fireman quickly replies,"TO PUT OUT THE FIRE!"...

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Q. If Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were both drowning, what kind would you make? A. PBJ

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What has two legs, takes away your money, and causes depression? A Democrat.

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How do you make a black man sad? You kill and mutilate his family maliciously

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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roses are red violets are blue you're an orphan, had to break the news...sorry little fella.

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A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

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Does pizza sound good for dinner?

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What did Uncle Timmy give to Little John for his birthday? Sodomy.

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Why did the Mexican man jump to the floor? He had a stroke.

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What did one potato say to the other. Let's get baked!( hope u dont mind that this isnt a anti-joke well i dont know what it is so sue me)

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What three letters alter boys into men and girls into women? The letter containing their bank card, the letter containing their national insurance card and the letter accepting them into a job or higher education placement.

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A muslim walks into a gay bar.

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A mormon walks into a bar. He orders a caffeine free Coke.

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Hey I just met you And I am crazy So I will kill you And eat your body

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Whats blue and smells like red paint? If you know the answer then you should probably stop sniffing paint.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because, the farmer lacked basic fence mending skills

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Yo momma so ugly that she had self esteem issues and committed suicide, making her husband extremely depressed.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. So was my son after I beat him to death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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