What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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Golf.

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What did the mouse say to the elephant? Squeak.

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What do you call a fish without an eye? fsh.

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Yo mommas so stupid, she got raped.

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I have the heart of a child... in a jar on my desk.

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Whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A black guy is a human being, and a pizza is a food you racist.

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Child Prostitution.

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A man walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass of milk. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve milk here.

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Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

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knock knock who's there? julian julian who? julian gonzalez

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. - You don't need to because N and O are already together. - Then maybe a cyber-relationship would work. - Why ? - Look at your keyboard, U and I are next to each other.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

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What did the twin towers get at the pizza place? 2 planes

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What is the first step in making an ugly girl pretty? Shave her genitals.

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An Irish man, a Scottish man and an English man walk into a bar ... The Irish man's a bit dim, the Scotsman's tight with money and the Englishman's a bit of a racist.

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Baseball

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how does peploe get around they walk

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What did the boy say after he hit his head? I just hit my head.

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What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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KEVIN HART

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What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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