Why did Jimmy lay down? Because he was tired

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What do you get when you eat a bag of potatoes? The're all gone.

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Why did the man get a DUI? Because he was driving under the influence.

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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Why was the baker rich? Because he had a lot of money

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A black man walks into a bar in an all white neighborhood. He has a couple of drinks, pays for them, and politely calls a taxi for a ride home.

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I saw a shooting star. It shot me.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I would like a rum and............ Coke." The bartender asks, curiously, "What's up with the big pause?" The bear looks down at his paws, embarrassed, and mumbles under his breath, "social anxiety."

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

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a gay man walks into a bar. he is promptly escorted out for trying to seduce men.

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How do you steal candy from a baby? You ask nicely.

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What did the tramp get for Christmas? Nothing because he's Jewish.

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Why did the weiner dog have a bad childhood? Uncle Monty put his foot up its arse on a daily basis before chewing dorris's nose, ears and eyelids.

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Why can't you teach drivers ed and sex ed at the same time in Iraq? The camel would get tired.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The IRS. You've been convicted of tax evasion.

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Goodbye to the people who hated on me.

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Something other than a Human Being walks into a bar. The bartender then makes a rational decision about how to handle the situation.

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Knock knock! Who's there? A bottle of beer. No thanks, I've been sober for 15 years.

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a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. the bartender says thats cool where did you get it ....... the parrot says africa

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Who ever invented the "Knock- Knock jokes" should get a "No-bell prize"

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Why did the boy die? He got shot in the face repeatedly.

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Ashton Kutcher meets a fine cougar at a bar and the cougar fatally wounded his throat.

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A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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