whats long and stretchy? elastic

thumb_up thumb_down -11

An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? It has been this way for two days now. Whenever he looks over his shoulder and past his wing, he can see them there. Following him. The men with the red eyes. He doesn't know what they want and doesn't want to find out. He crosses that road as he has crossed so many others recently, squawking and shuffling along on his stubby legs, darting through traffic in a risky effort to shake them off of his tailfeathers. He gets to the other side and ascends the curb, walking beak-first into a pair of legs hidden beneath a grey robe. He looks up and sees a pair of eyes like burning coals staring down at him from within the darkness of a hood. He tries to run, but it is too late. He has been taken. His wings and fingers are forfeit.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Who wins the battle of climbing a fence, the Mexican Man or the Black Man? The Mexican Man, the Black Man is still hanging from the tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did Timmy start a fire? Because Timmy was a derranged phycopath

thumb_up thumb_down -11

had a good wank over anime yesterday xoxo dylan hodge

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A dirty joke Three white horse's are walking down a trail one falls in the mud

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what has 2 legs and bleeds alot half a dog

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q. What do you call a black pilot? A. A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why do they call it "Unsweetened Tea?" Did they put sugar in it and then take it back out again?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q. There were 2 Mexicans in a car, who was driving it? A. The police officer.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What is the definition of child abuse? Ms Bazan

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's blue and fluffy? Blue fluff.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate you, Die.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what do you call a bomb in a plane? A dangerous threat to lives

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: You were adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Where did the AIDS victim go on vacation? To the hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the monk give to the cancer patient? His love and reassurance.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a woman who loves sex and food? A fat whore.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Do you know why i dont write poems Because i thought that violets were violets OTARTS...WAS...HERE

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's red, black, and green all over? This is! I only wish you could see it too - the website wont let me upload a picture - but it is pretty impressive! Oh well.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What mother loved her son so much, she gave him a scar on his forehead for it? Lily Potter.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops