Yo mama's so fat, that when she jumped, gravity pushed her back to the floor!

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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On a deserted island in the middle of nowhere three women have just been in a horrible boat wreck. They are okay and alive. One is a lovely smart brunette. An appealing ginger. And a blond.. named Becky. They take shelter when one of them notices a shimmer in the sand. They pick it up to discover that it was a golden lamp. They rub it and a blue cloud of smoke consumes them. Then a magnificent Guinnie appears and says "You have awoken me from my 10,000 year encasement inside that lamp! I shall grant you 3 wishes to show you my sincere gratitude." The brunette wishes for a plane so she can fly home. The ginger wishes for a boat to sail back home. The blonde was lonely so she wished that the brunette and the ginger were back with her.

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Whats the difference between eating an egg and an abortion? Think about it.

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Why did the black man go to the store? To get milk and eggs because he was running out of those items

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A 14 year girl enjoys exploring the sexual regions of her body, whilst having one of her intimate sessions her brother walks into her room. Her brother was a rather sexual 17 year old, who has had sex with several different girls, and is not afraid to try new things. the brother says " get a room to his sister... oh wait" and walks out

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Question: how many times a power rangers episode show a power rangets face ANSWER: dont ask me im not that big of a power rangers!

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What did the blind man say to his best friend? All i see is darkness and i want to end my life

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kaite is dumb that is true

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Why did the midget fall from a tall building? Because somebody pushed him.

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Q. Where's your nan???? A. In my closet

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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A duck walks into a bar- nope, just chuck testa...

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What do you call 100 Americans at the bottom of the ocean? A US submarine crew.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A lot of things, you just gotta keep your eyes peeled.

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How do you know when an Asian has robbed your house? You have informed the police, who in turn searched the house for DNA evidence, eventually leading them to the criminal, who just so happened to be a troubled Asian teenager attempting to join a local gang.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? ?? She had just prepared her breakfast and was late for her full-time job as a police officer.

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Why is limety snicket a kike pussy? cuz will ferrell shit in his asshole

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Have you tried african food? No. Neither have they!

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A light bulb is very similar in shape to a pear. So, when you change a light bulb, don't replace it by a pear.

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How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of vanilla ice cream and two scoops of dead baby.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sky diving? I don't know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.

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''Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Ironically, many of the babies he'll kiss on the campaign trail will be his own.''

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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