When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

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Your mama is so fat. Just look at her.

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2 men were friends 1 went to hell The other went to heaven

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

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Why did the boy go to the hospital? He didn't. Unfortunately the gunshot wound severely injured the boy and he was unable to be revived in time to survive.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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An Asian, a white man and a black man were running in a race. The Asian won and the black man came second due to his lack of training and motivation over the past couple of months.

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roses are red, violates are blue, you left me for David, I am about to kill you *bam* *bam**bam*

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what is the difference between the dead baby and the sandwich? i don't put my penis into the sandwich before i eat it.

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where's mom I killed her

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Why was the comedian so funny? Because that's his job, and if he wasn't funny he would have to become a hobo.

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what did the bee do when bill tried to slap it it stung bill and died.

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What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? Fish are living organisms and guitars are instruments used for people's entertainment

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a Triceratops.

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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My mother-in-law fell down a stairway. I turned to my wife and said “Call an ambulance!!”

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Hey how was your audition?" "yeah really good, I got in...

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(sniff) (sniff) It smells like gross diarrhea in here... (sniff) (sniff) ... Yeah it does

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? "Robin, please, get in the Batmobile

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Q: what is the most confusing day in the ghetto? A: fathers Day

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What's blue and can't sing? Blue.

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What do you call an office worker with no arms or legs? A paraplegic.

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Heads or tails? Heads. Sorry, I'm fresh out.

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fjasdklfjklasdjfasdfk .... sorry i have terets!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops