Why did the monkey fall off the tree? It died.

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Have I ever told you that you looked beautiful? No. Ok, good.

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A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day, he finds an old lamp. When he rubs it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You have freed me. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes." The man smacks himself in the face and mutters, "Oh god, I'm seeing genies now. I must be delirious from lack of food and water." Several hours later, he dies.

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A middle-aged white woman is walking toward a building, talking on her cellphone to a friend. She says, "Yes, I can meet you for lunch in a few hours. I have to go to the unemployment office to sign up for benefits. It's going to be horrible. It'll probably be full of black people." Standing in line, she is incredibly uncomfortable and horrified, because there is a black man right behind her, and she is stuck standing next to him for a long time. Finally it's her turn, and she steps up to the counter. The clerk asks her, "And what did you do for a living?" She answers, "I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom in a Blockbuster store that closed down." The clerk says, "Fill out this paperwork and take it to window #2." As she turns around, she is once more repulsed by the black man who is standing right there. Now that it's his turn, he steps to the counter, and the clerk asks him, "And what did you do for a living?" He answers, "I was the senior vice president of global strategic development for Eastman Kodak."

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Two muffins were in an oven. One muffin said "Wow, its hot in here." The other muffin said "Oh my gosh a talking muffin!" The house burnt down because the oven created a fire.

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What do Native Indians and Asian Indians have in common? They're both human.

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A man walks into a bar, has a drink, pays the bartender, and leaves.

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How do you make a blond shut up? Staple her tongue to the roof of her mouth and super-glue her lips together.

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Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is dead.

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What did the girl with two broken legs give her parents for Christmas? Medical bills.

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Your so ugly that your birth certeficate is a apology letter from the condum factory

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Hey I just met you you are a sneaker smell my gym socks and then pick oot throughyour nose

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what happens when u mix a car, a blimp and a plane? I don't know.

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What did Timmy say when the bus crashed? Nothing, it was a horrible crash, he died like everyone else. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Timmy.

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what's funnier then 33? actually there's a plenty of things, just have to think about it

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Rebecca Black walks into a bar she took the back seat

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? Hit him with an ax.

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Why did the man commit suicide? Because he felt he had nothing left to live for

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Why did the cow jump over the moon ? This is a highly unlikely situation , therefore the cow did not leave its humble pasture , let alone talk english while in the midst of jumping over a planet wich takes days to fly over .

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What do you call a black mailman? By his name.

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bish bash bosh giz a nosh

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The bold and unpredictable female bird escaped under the horror of the fearful fence of which enclosed the innocent chickens. As she wandered towards the nearby city of magic and dreams she approached by a large, empty road. A mysterious, shining object in the distant caught her eye. As she slowly to a shivering step towards the intereging sparkle, she was ran over by a car. EPIC FAIL LOL!!!!

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Why didn't the girl take her hairbrush to school? She has cancer and all her hair fell out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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