TIMMAH!

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3 men are stranded on an island when they come across a brass lantern. The rub it and nothing happens. They all starve to death a day later.

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fava beans

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

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What do you get when you cross something with another thing that one would normally not cross with the aforementioned noun? A better love story than Twilight.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? Because they often have to interact with violent and distrustful criminals.

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Q: what did the nazi say to the other nazi A: hallo

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I'M THE GRAPIST!! I'M GONNA GRAPE UR MOM AND UR DAD AND UR WHOLE FAMILY!!!

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What is the hardest part about rollerblading? Most commonly the balance part.

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What happens if you confuse your male best friend's and your boyfriend's name during sex? Nothing, their both named Adam.

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knock knock whos there ? Jordan Jordan who ? Jordan Walters

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How many chicken feathers are there in a 50 pound bag? 50 pounds worth Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a duck Why did the man cross the road? It was duck season A woman is dying but can't reach her husband. Why? A duck ate his cell-phone A pig walks into a bar but there is no bartender. Where is she? Dead A duck hunter is selling a duck to a man. The man only pays the duck hunter a quarter. Why? It was full of chicken feathers.

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What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

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Pull my finger. Not right now. I'm watching The Price is Right.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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hey i just met you.... and this might just sound crazy but i have a bad case of short term memory .....were we talking????

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Why was Sally crying? Because she had a frog stapled to her face.

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Who were the fastest readers of all time? The victims of 9/11. They went through over 87 stories in less than 2 1/2 minutes.

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I'm a champion. I do what I want.

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If she is under the age of 18 years old and is identified by your state as a minor, shes too young for you bro.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7 Because 7 was a registered 6 offender

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im bad at rhyming Refridgerator

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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