Q: if it takes a week to walk a fortnight how many pounds of oranges can you fit in a grapegruit. A: None, because there is no bones in ice cream

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What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

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took my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are stranded in the middle of the ocean on a raft. They all die of dysentery.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they're extinct.

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A man is traveling to the nearest grocery store. He stops at an intersection and notices a another car beside him. It was a black corvet. So he blew it up and the men inside of it as well. He then proceeded to call the cops as to try to cover the explosion up as if it was not his fault. Unfortunately, the police had video evidence of the incident through video surveillance and the man was arrested for life. He never got a second chance in life and eventually died a slow, painful death in the hands of cancer at the age of 91.

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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Salt is brown, Pepper is white, my kitchen is in a mess.

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What has 389,236,587 arms, has rainbow colored fur, and fornicates on your front lawn? Absolutely nothing. That's pretty much physically impossible.

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How do you make a toddler run faster? Chase it with a lawnmower.

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Boy:U a dime Girl: she said ur a quarter Boy:-_- dumb B***h

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What did the strawberry say to the elephant? Nothing. Because it's a strawberry and strawberries can't talk.

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How many dead babies can you fit a bathtub??? It depends on how you slice them!

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Why'd the clown fall out of the tree? it died. Why'd the cat fall out of the tree? it died Why'd the chicken fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the clown

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why does pink turn into blue it doesnt you just get hit by a frigde because you cried whe you got shot several times

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Have you ever tried ethiopian food Neither have they

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Roses are red Violets are blue, Eat my anus with a spoon.

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How do unwed mothers celebrate Mother's Day? The same way all mothers do.

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A blonde takes a test. She scores higher than her Asian friend.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A cannibal. What? You are about to die and be eaten. Asshole! i will murder you first!

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Sally heard a scream in a dark room and went to go see who it was. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally...

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The blonde, brunette and,the red headed girls were at a store. When the blonde says......... im tired let's leave.

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What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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