"Hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from up there?" "Waaaaaaahhhhh..." "Ok, let me kiss it better."

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What is big green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree A pool table

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Mary once had a boyfriend with a wooden leg; however, itt was a highly dysfunctional relationship, as the boyfriend was much too possessive of Mary. So Mary was forced to bring a close to the relationship.

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roses are grey violets are grey im a dog

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Q. What is the worlds biggest lie A. I have read and agree to the terms of service ?

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What happened when the princess kissed a frog. Warts, all over her lips

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A guy walks into a bar, unfortunately for him, he walked in on a huge bar fight and managed to get the hell knocked out of him as he entered the door.

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Scrooge McDuck dives headfirst into his pool of gold coins... He breaks his neck from the impact of the landing and dies.

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Q: What is every blonde's ambition? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

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What did tarzan say when he saw 100 elephants coming over the hill? Look there's 100 elephants coming over the hill What did tarzan say when he saw 100 elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on? Nothing he did not recognize them

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What has 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you a pool table

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A man and a woman have drunk, unprotected sex, and 9 months later, they have a beautiful baby girl. What did they call her? An accident.

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knock knock? whose there? i dont know. i dont know who? i dont know.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown, sued the water company, bought a huge settlement and ran off with that slut Little Bo Peep.

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A Muslim, a Buddhist, and a Christian are on a plain. They have to jump off for some reason. The Muslim straps a bomb to his chest, jumps out of the plain, and screams "AHLA AKBAH"!!!! The Buddhist jumps out and says save me heavenly Buddha. A giant golden hand catches him and lightly places him on land. The Christian says "aw hell with this" and jumps out, then says "save me heavenly Buddha". The giant golden hand places him down gently on land. The Christian then says "thank god". The giant golden hand comes back down and kills him.

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Why did the student go to university? To pursue a higher education.

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What's the worst joke ever? Justin Bieber.

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A horse enter a bar, and the barman says: "why the long face?" The horse has cancer

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Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

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To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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How do you prevent a baby from crawling all over the place? You nail his hands to the floor

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How long did it take Jeff, a middle-aged man with a lifelong speech-destroying lisp, to overcome his impediment? Less than ten minutes, as carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless toxic gas that eliminates oxygen at a rapidly-acting rate inside of small areas such as the car Jeff locked himself inside.

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Why do jews have large noses? Genetics.

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A Jew, a Russian, and a Turk walk into a bar. The Jew asks, "Can I get a glass of Manischewitz?" The bartender serves him. The Russian asks, "Can I get a shot of vodka?" The bartender serves him. The Turk then asks, "Can I get a Turkish coffee?" The bartender looks at him, confused, and says, "Sorry, but this is a bar. Unfortunately we don't serve coffee."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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