What did the douche bag get for Christmas?

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A homophobic man walks into a bar and the bartender asks: "what can I get for ya?" the man replies: "shut up gaylord"

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Q: whats red, spins, and screams? A: a baby in a blender

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Depends on the car.

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What did Jim do after the police gave him a ticket? He followed them home and used their children's limbs to rape them.

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Why are there no casinos in Africa? Because of the exceptionally high poverty rate.

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What did the catholic priest do to the little boy in the Confessions Took his confessions

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So theres a Black guy, White guy and Mexican guy all sitting at a bar. They were friends.

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Why did Gina laugh? Because something was funny.

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Why did the man eat a human heart? Because he was part of a dangerous, religious cult.

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Why is the mexican navy so bad? They have insufficient funds to give to their military as they are a 2nd world country.

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What did one penguin say to the other Nothing, penguins don't talk.

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What is the difference between a Jew and pizza? Pizza does not scream when it goes in the oven.

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How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

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what happens when a hamster bites your arm? your arm bleeds

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roses are red, violets are blue, i dont like to rhyme, but i do like to poo.

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Your mama's so stupid she brought syrup to the quidditch world cup because she knew there would be quaffles!

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A black man a white man and an asian man walk into a bar have a few drinks and on thier drive home run over a three year old little girl and here to month old sister and they go to prison for the rest of thier lives (they shouldn't of let the asian drive)

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A: go away. B: No i won't A: Shutup B: Yes i will not go away A: again, shutup B: I left A: Thank you B: Your welcom A: Thank you for saying your welcome B: Thank you for saying thank you that i'm welcome A: Thank you for saying thank you for saying that I thank you that you're welcome.

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What has equally bad consequences as breaking someone's leg in front of the local authorities? Breaking your own leg on purpose in front of the local authorities.

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How many Norwegians does it take to change a light bulb? Only one. But all the replacements are high-tolerance, long-life and non-dimmable.

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How does a yeti say hi? Raaawwwrrrr

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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