Two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says nothing, because muffins cannot talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How do you creep out a clown? Pet him softly and call him kitty kat while making a guttural sound that is not socially acceptable in mainstream American society.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Guy: I have a penis growing out of my crotch. Girl: Hah, sucks to be you! Guy: Yeah.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How do you stop a bus from hitting you?? You throw small children to impede the progress of the bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Your momma is so fat that she decided to begin an exercise program and eat healthy and she lost weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Your mother is so fat, she is at great risk for developing diabetes mellitus type 2.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Knock knock Who's there? Benjamin Benjamin who? Benjamin Dover Ben! I'm so glad you're home the kids have missed you so much!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How much do polar bears weigh? Between 800 and 1600 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Hi! This is Ms.McGruder you two boys in my office at 3:00 p.m. today

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Q:Whats not funny? A: Antijokes

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What do we call Osama? Osama

thumb_up thumb_down -33

There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? it has no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did the hippo drink the water? Because it was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A duck walks into a bar. A horse walks into a bar. A cow walks into a bar. A bear walks into a bar. The owner tells them to get out, but they can't understand humans. So they just stayed there.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How the hell do you know? What are you Nero? You are completely right! I was going to say I got no blue tie, but then I forgot you often call ribbons for ties... How? Should I be scared? I am not, no wonder you never felt human... I am shocked, I cant think straight I am confused and... Sorry Nero, Goodnight, if nothing else, you are no demon, but rather an angel, sweet dreams love. The solvemedia says the bible, this is freaky, my mind is numb.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The police officers involved were fired and sued by the family, ruining their lives. Months later they both committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why didn't Sally go to the party? Because everybody hates her and she wasn't invited.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 24

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

- have you heard about the guy who got the left side off the body cut off? - no. - He died

thumb_up thumb_down -35

what happened to the man that got shot.... He died.. 3 secs after

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops