- Anti Joke

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

Four men are stranded on a small desert island. The first of them decides to build a raft out of bamboo, but it only has room for one passenger. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouted to the men on shore as he left, but a band of pirates killed him in the middle of the ocean. The second castaway was more clever, and built a submarine out of bamboo and sealed it with hides of animals they had killed. He counteracts the buoyant force with sand. In this way, he planned to avoid the pirates by being underwater. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he exclaimed as he sealed the one person sized chamber of his submarine, but not far off shore, he runs out of oxygen and suffocates to death. The third castaway learned from the mistakes of the first two, and in spite of the unpredictability of handcrafted aerial vehicles, he makes a glider. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouts from the hill top of the island as he leaps off and glides over the horizon. Though the journey is fraught with peril, he makes it back to civilization and is reunited with his family. It is expensive, but he prepares an expedition back to the island where his fourth comrade remains. It is worthy to note that on this small island, all the means of making shelter had been used up in the construction of the raft, submarine, and glider. The fourth castaway was found dead from exposure to the elements.

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Hey are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease?? the other cow says "Nah, not at all mate...!" "Why Not?" says the cow "Because I'm a CHICKEN!"

Three men on a journey stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they might be allowed to stay the night. The farmer consents upon one condition: that the visitors not lay a hand on his daughter. The men respected the farmers wishes and left in the morning.

Why did the kid fall over? He was hit by a car

Twelve people are in a plane. One of them says: "Man, we really are not so many in this plane" Another one replies: "It's because it's a 12 seats plane." Another says: "Do 12 seats planes even exist?" Another one answers: "Of course they do." Another person says: "Guys, are we even flying?" Someone says: "I don't know" Another says: "Yes, we're flying, look out the window." Another says: "I have cancer." Someone reacts: "Oh, I'm really sorry for you" Another: "Yes, me too" Someone adds: "It's really terrible" Another says: "Has science made any progress recently?" The plane crashes.

One day a black man went and bought a car with his own hard-earned money.

What's worse than getting sockson your birthday? Getting cancer on your birthday.

A dyslexic man into bar walks a.

2 gay men walked into a bar, The next day they want back to the bar, They went back on the third day but only 1 man came back out and he was in tears, This was because the other man had a cardiac arrest and died.

Thank you Nero, this might not sound apropiate at all, but I am in love with you and have always been, and just want you to know that what I love the most about you is your spirit, your kindness, and sincerely, how you make me feel safe, I think its that you are dead honest to the point where you insult people asking for your opinion, I never had to question what you really mean or want, you just say it out loud, I love you, I realize it must be strange hearing that from someone you see as a daughter, I remember my father too well to consider you one, but I guess I always considered you a hot big brother of sorts. You are 32 huh? You always knew did you not? Why that secret of all things? Ill be arriving as soon as those trained killers of yours show by, and man are they fast and loyal, only you could inspire that love. I know your name is Nero, but I would not mind calling you Axel or at least knight, that's what you have always been for me.

Can I have a dollar? I don't know, can you?

have you ever had african food? neither have they

What do Tom Cruise and Santa Claus have in common? They're both Tom Cruise.

How do you keep someone in suspense? Refuse to let them view the resolultion of a gripping film.

A baby seal walks into a club.

So theres this Jew, right? He got shot to death.

say it ten times fast: oh

what do you call aca that got pushed in a pool ? A WET PUSSY

Your mamas so fat that she went to the doctor and he said she has a very high case of diabetes so now she's trying to excerise more and watching what she eats.

what happens when Pinocchio says "My nose is growing"?

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.

Glad to hear from you too (should I call you sister now? Thats gonna be a bit rough, but I guess I was never old enough to be your stepfather either this is making my headache worse, I sure as hell wont suicide... That unless you do not call my wife that is... Nah, its just that from what we have been seeing from the cams, these guys are killing people left and right, and well, if anyone of them kill the cops, these bad boys are going to kill everybody, and they obviously mean it. (Well I have also seen a lot of cartoon crocodiles playing the guitar on the wall which might come help us in a pinch, but it might sadly just be the fever). What I am trying to say, is that if my boys are as rusty as I arm (got it?) then they wont make it without the main man, actually, while I personally never wanted to fight for my people literally, especially not to the death, much of this is my fault too, I should have demanded that little bitches such as your father do as I say, or just leave the plac Never got the cigar joke huh? I always told you I am going to smoke my first last cigar the day I know I am gonna die, and while I did not mean it literally then, well... Its not a cigar its a stick of some very high explosive whose name I remember when I am not you know... Crocodilles, hey, its even Mickey Mouse there... Finally a chance to kill that piece of shit. Or maybe I wont smoke it, got to ask my "shadows" how strong it really is, I wont want to kill both of the assholes that got me, and every single of my followers in the process, good thing we got a nice bunch of members huh? And that many are here, and others found their way out somehow, because if we had less, they would all be dead by now... And I cant do shit, problem with my boys, is that they will do much better at infiltrating the place if they know of all the secret entrances and exits this paranoid son of a literal shedog put around... And look at them "Neronists" finally appreciating them as they get out of the place trough them. Well not all our places got them, told you I should have demanded what I wanted rather than... Never mind... Honestly, call my "shadow people" and them my wife, not sure how long I want to look at those that chose to follow me into what has already become a massacre, so if I make it, I will make sure those that remain not only listen, but actually fucking heed me or gtfo! It might just be the jaw hurting like hell again, but after this there wont be no Mr.Nice guy again... Not that there really was, I am just saying my new attitude will make people remember me as a pretty nice guy in comparison. I wont kill your father, seems like he will be suffering for life now, he knows he had many chances to change things around and now and he knows it might just be too late now. Either that, or that I decided to break all of his fingers after he attacked me... How dare a tall big man, attack a poor feverish crippled, demented, psychopath with a broken jaw... Did not help the thoughtless son of a bitch tried to punch me in... The Jaw... either. Damn, I was thinking about getting into action asap, but these "Black Shadows" wont get here in like two days, and then its two days to get back... Listen, id love a response, but I just got more of these medications "for my fever" but my jaw does not hurt anymore, and I am falling asleep, so either some douche pulled a roofie on me or that other pill I took was a painkiller. Take care, and remember, I always got a backup plan if the backup plan fails, aaaaaaand as I am starting to get very "whooly" in the head, I am just thinking: Nah if I get shot a lot, there is always Robocop right? Nerocop? Okay I assume this is just for robots and police officers, sorry to say this before I go nitenite, but should I tell you to call the cops on these guys? They have filled the place with explosives, its like a fucking die hard movie except with a lot less broken glass and... Not so many dead yet, I mean things have calmed down now that our vets are done struggling, sigh... Them veterinarians being all macho and not really defending themselves... Or was it war veterans... Mr Crocodile number seven is telling me that I should stop making fun of people dying (but people die all the time!) or else I wont get to kill Mickey Mouse. Anyway, holy crap these meds are strong as hell, my mouth is foaming like shit and I need to end because I am standing even though I cant feel my legs... Oh right, I am sitting holy crap! Take care girl, at this rate ill be remembered as the certain one that supposedly makes incredible promises, but then takes people`s souls... You know... GOD? Cant stop laughing Sorry just trying to find something profound to say, maybe some mighty last words such as... Oh right I am going to contact you tomorrow... ...Talk about "mighty" "last" words... I cant feel my... Well lets just say I better go take a leak just in case... I hope I was not always this much of a loudmouth fuck... I mean... Nah you turned out just fine after all... Its time you got to bed too, dont reply, call my wife, then call my brother, and tell him that he is a piece of shit, and that if I die, ill be waiting for him in hell... And then kill him for me. I believe his weakness is a bullet to the head. See you around, nitenite. Ps: Ironically no coding here, its just that while I cant stop talking, I cant speak nor shout either, cant move my feet, maybe breaking that baggots hands was a bad idea... This is like 15 minutes later, a couple of fucking nurses are gonna help me when I am done writing, two male nurses blargh, maybe they will just let me stay here if I keep on typing for all of eternity... Never mind, I typed in big letters "Get me those pretty female ones!" and then apparently did not delete it, they left, hopefully something... Lol... "Promise them a better life, and then claim their souls so they might eternally serve you" The Black Angel Or God? WHEN I survive I am gonna go back to posting these FACTS every once in a while here again. God Mathew 0:69 I believe... Sorry I keep forgetting who I am typing to, and my hands are so numb I cant mash the space butoon, oh wait its delete, or backspa... Anyway chat you up tomorrow kiddo.

Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A. Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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