Did you hear about the young couple that confused K-Y jelly with window caulking? All their windows fell out.

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Whats green and smells like grass? Grass scented air freshener, in a green colored can.

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Q: What's blue and fuzzy? A: Blue fuzz

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What did one wardrobe say to another wardrobe? Clothes.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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What's hard and orange on the outside, and squidgy in the middle? A tanned man's head

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck

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Michael walked into a bar, The rest of the bar initially erupted with laughter until the his carer made everybody aware that Michael suffered from brittle bones and that he had actually fractured his hip after colliding with the bar. People then understood the gravity situation as the bartender immediately dialled the emergency services. Michael managed to recover physically from the accident but to this day he is still scarred from the laughter aimed at him the night of his accident and is too afraid to return to the bar again in fear of being mocked despite the misunderstanding of the situation.

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What is small, naked and covered in sperm My son

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Q; How did the blind man cross the road? A; very unsuccessfully leaving behind memories of his joys but soon forgotten smile

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What happened when the blind man reached for his soda? He picked it up, took a sip, and placed it back down where it was and continued with what he was doing.

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Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels.

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Someone loses their golfball in the trees. Their playing partner replies: "what is this? This berenstein bears?"

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whats the differnece between a bag of dead babies and a ferarri? nothing ill never have either

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why did the man get a divorce? Because his wife had an affair.

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Hatch! Hatchoo! Bless you!

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What did the bartender say to the man? can i have a beer if you dont get it the bartender asked the customer for a beer

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A hispanic man eats a taco and enjoys. He is kicked in the nuts 2 months later.

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A terrorist robs a walrus.

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What did the cat say to the human? Nothing

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roses are blue violets are red heres a gun now your dead

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why did the guy get pulled over he had a broken tail light

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Q: why did suzie fall out of the swing? A: because she was a pinecone

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Do they have a fourth of July in England? Yes, but it is just a sad reminder to them that all the cool people left for America.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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