What did Santa say to the prostitute? "Merry Christmas!"

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What kind of movies do pirates like? They don't know, Somalia doesn't have much of a film industry.

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Why wasn't Johnny at school today? Because he died in childbirth.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud.

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A black guy, a priest, and a rabbi all walk into a bar. They order water and chat about life.

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A man walks into a bar... he is blind so it isn't funny

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Why did Isaac run from his mother? She tried to kill him because God said so. Christianity.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? One is a type of small aquatic craft, and the other is a human being who practices Judaism.

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A boy owned a dog that was uncommonly shaggy. Many people remarked upon its considerable shagginess. When the boy learned that there are contests for shaggy dogs, he entered his dog. The dog won first prize for shagginess in both the local and the regional competitions. The boy entered the dog in ever-larger contests, until finally he entered it in the world championship for shaggy dogs. But the day before the championship the dog died.

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What did the Colombian say to the Peruvian? Quieres lleyo?

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What do apples and black men both have in common? They are both people except for the apple

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Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

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Why did the Mexican mow lawns? He needed money to pay for his college tuition.

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What did the Johhny say to the black man when he saw him buying a watermelon? Nothing, Johnny is mute.

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Your mother is so overweight that she decided to have liposuction and then proceeded to live a wonderful life.

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what did the woman say? 'duhhh, i don't have a penis durr durr' (By the way, I'm trying to be not misogynistic, please let me know if you find this misogynistic in any way)

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Yo mama's so fat that she has a heart condition.

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Gotta disappoint you there, you see there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar organizations which work for the government, and those I work for are black ops, meaning that I would be putting my life in danger if I told you anything about it besides that fact. Its not listed anywhere, its not FBI, its not legislated by any government yet many governments invest their funds there, you could call it something like the interpool, and something like the underground society, except its multi-government driven... A term I sincerely do not fully understand myself, I have certain talents I put to use, but I lack the education in order to be more than a employee for these people.

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A pilot walks into a bar just before his last flight of the day. "Give me a stiff one to get through this last flight, I've had a long day," the pilot tells the bartender. The bartender promptly refuses the pilot service and kicks him out of the bar, since operating an aircraft under the influences of alcohol would at least constitute gross negligence and at worst, murder.

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Your mama's so hairy, the only language she knows is wookie.

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? Get on the ship.

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What color is the orange? Grey, I'm color blind.

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Q: why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: because it was dead.

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Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. One of its legs is both the same

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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